The Surprising Science Behind Why You Should Be Asking for More

What if the secret to achieving your dreams wasn’t talent, luck, or hard work — but a simple scientific truth? Research shows that people who master the art of asking are far more likely to achieve their goals. In an eye-opening episode of The Science of Success podcast, Mark Victor Hansen and Crystal Dwyer Hansen reveal the surprising science behind why asking is the key to unlocking your greatest potential.

You Don’t Get What You Deserve — You Get What You Ask For

Mark Victor Hansen, best known as the creator of Chicken Soup for the Soul, emphasizes that success doesn’t come from simply deserving it. It comes from having the courage and clarity to ask for what you want.

“You don’t get what you deserve. You get what you ask for.” — Mark Victor Hansen

Why We Stop Asking

As children, we are naturally curious and unafraid to ask questions. Over time, societal conditioning — through parenting, school, and work — teaches us to “quiet down,” “stop asking so much,” and “only speak when spoken to.”

This early shutdown leads to a pervasive fear of asking in adulthood.

The Seven Roadblocks to Asking

The Hansens identified seven core obstacles that prevent us from asking:

Unworthiness
Naivete
Doubt
Fear
Excuses (Excuseology)
Pattern Paralysis
Disconnection

Recognizing and overcoming these roadblocks is crucial for reigniting the power of asking.

The Science of Asking: Why It Works

Studies show that when people simply ask for help, advice, or opportunities, they are 80% more likely to receive a positive response than they expect (source). Despite this, most people dramatically underestimate how willing others are to assist them.

“People actually like helping others, but they usually wait to be asked.” — Crystal Dwyer Hansen

Handling Rejection: Embrace “Next”

Rejection is inevitable — but it’s not personal. The Hansens stress that when someone says no, it usually reflects their circumstances, not your worth.

Mark’s advice? Learn the clean four-letter word:

N-E-X-T.

The Three Channels of Asking

To fully embrace the power of asking, you must:

Ask Yourself: Conduct regular self-reflection.
Ask Others: Be willing to seek help and collaboration.
Ask God: Connect spiritually to align with your greater purpose.

The Self-Asking Framework

Where am I now?
Where do I want to be?
What specific steps must I take to get there?

Taking time to ask these questions builds clarity, direction, and momentum.

“Your life experience is created from the inside out, not the outside in.” — Crystal Dwyer Hansen

A Powerful Story: The Fable of Michaela

The Hansens open Ask! with the moving “Fable of Michaela,” a girl who lost everything and rebuilt her life by learning to ask. This metaphorical story has resonated deeply with readers, showing that no matter how heavy the “rocks” of life may seem, transformation is possible when we start asking.

Key Takeaways for Families and Parents

Nurture Asking Early: Encourage children’s questions and curiosity.
Model Resilience: Show kids that rejection is not failure.
Promote Self-Reflection: Help children ask themselves meaningful questions.
Create Safe Spaces: Foster an environment where asking for help is celebrated, not shamed.