I don’t even know where to start with Halloween but I do know what NOT to do when I see it, and I’m nice enough to compile the worst Halloween kid’s costume offenders into a handy little guide for what to avoid this upcoming season in case you had any questions.

Rule of thumb: if you have to think twice about whether or not it’s appropriate, the answer is “NO”.

Sweet Maria, a CONDOM?  via No Way Girl

America’s Favorite Pastimes via LOLPic

You can’t unsee it now, you just can’t. via Huffington Post

Kids and cannibalism, because why not? via Awesome Galore

Potty Humor at its absolute worst via Teeny Manolo

The tag says “Major Flirt” if you can’t read it because nothing projects self-respect like a sexy s&m tween in a military short skirt. *headdesk via Spirit Halloween

Roadkill, sure! Let’s be honest my kids would probably love this one… via Amazon

No, fool. Just no. via IRunTheInternet

Forget the Supreme Court, think Jersey Shore for #squadgoals via MTV

Making fun of homeless people is so bush league I can hardly deal. Don’t do it. via The World’s Best Ever

YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO KEEP THEM OFF THE POLE! IT’S LIKE, THE WHOLE POINT. via Epic Fail

This is so shockingly realistic that it’s like Lil Wayne’s head is photoshopped onto this tiny toddler’s body and I just can’t even. via Huffington Post

Hey guys, genocide isn’t cool. Like ever. via Camp Blood

Let me save you some time and let you know that dressing up children as any player in the sex trade industry is not okay and it never will be. Just say no to the pimp costume forever. via The Stir

Bethany Hamilton, the tough-as-nails surfer who lost her arm to a shark and then went on to ride again, get married, have a family, be successful, you name it – yeah let’s make fun of that…OR NOT.  via Huffington Post

I think this baby’s reaction about covers it. via Neatorama

If you’ve got a daughter, or hell, even a son, let’s take any sexy version of anything completely off the table. It’s not cute, it’s gross and disturbing. via Rakuten

Might as well fly a confederate flag off the back of your truck and start talking about secession again if that’s how this is gonna be. via Buy Costumes

Here’s the litmus test for appropriateness as far as child costumes are concerned: Exposed nipples? Then no. via Ned Hardy

Looks like mommy saved her old uniform to pass down to the next generation. Family heirloom! via Acid Cow

She can’t say when, she can’t say where, she can’t say how much. BECAUSE SHE’S 4!!! I feel super gross even posting this photo just so you know…via ParentSociety

Setting him up for a lifetime of bigotry and cultural racism, why not?! via The At Home Couple

Your two most precious possessions I assume? via Questionable Parenting

The Mama’s Guide to Halloween

Halloween can be busy. Halloween can be fun. Halloween can be extremely stressful. The costumes, the decorations, crafts, activities, school parties, trick or treating, kids safety, food, recipes,...we get it. You’re most likely feeling overwhelmed with this spooky holiday. We’ve been there before too. Halloween is meant to be fun for everyone, not wear you down with all the minutiae of the holiday festivities! We’re here to help! Here’s what every Mama needs to know about Halloween. The Mama’s Guide to Halloween provides Halloween tips, tricks, resources, recipes, activities, costume ideas, and more!