How to Survive (and Thrive) a Not-So-Great Parent-Teacher Conference

Parent-teacher conferences can stir up all kinds of emotions—anticipation, anxiety, maybe even dread. Especially when you know it’s been a rough week at school. What if your child’s behavior isn’t great? What if the teacher brings up something you weren’t expecting?

In this episode of Good Inside, Dr. Becky shares how one of her own “not-so-great” conference moments turned into a powerful opportunity for connection, clarity, and growth—for both her and her child.

Whether your child is thriving or struggling, this guide will help you walk into your next parent-teacher conference with more confidence, trust, and clarity.

“I Have a Good Kid Who’s Having a Hard Time”

One of the most powerful messages in this episode is simple yet transformative:

“I have a good kid who’s having a hard time. I trust that.” — Dr. Becky

It’s easy to internalize our children’s misbehavior—especially at school—as a reflection of our parenting. But Dr. Becky reminds us that our job isn’t to control our kids—it’s to connect with them.

What to Do When You Know It’s Not Going to Be Easy

Sometimes we walk into a conference already bracing for the worst. But that doesn’t mean we have to fall apart. The real power lies in how we respond—with curiosity, honesty, and a mindset of teamwork.

Key Takeaways for Parents

1. Bad Behavior Does Not Equal Bad Parenting

When our kids act out, we often react out of fear or embarrassment. But what they need is support, not shame. Separate their identity from their behavior.

2. Respond With Connection, Not Control

Instead of jumping into discipline mode, start with:

“I’m so glad you’re talking to me about this.”

This one sentence builds emotional safety and encourages open communication.

3. Small Steps Lead to Real Change

Don’t overwhelm your child by trying to fix everything at once. Ask them to choose one thing to work on. Ownership builds momentum.

4. Let Your Child Problem-Solve

Instead of imposing solutions, ask:

“What do you think would help?”

Kids are more likely to follow through when they feel in control of the plan.

Real-Life Example: A First Grader’s Tough Week

Dr. Becky shares how her son came home upset after a rough few days at school. Instead of reacting with lectures or punishment, she paused, stayed grounded, and offered a hug. Together, they talked through the behaviors—talking during rug time, calling out in class, rushing through work—and came up with strategies together.

One example? Turning “Slow and steady wins the race” into a secret mantra between them:

SASWTR—a powerful acronym and inside joke that stuck.

Another? Her son remembered advice she gave a year earlier and created his own mantra for class participation:

“I know the answer, and it’s okay if my friends don’t know that I know.”

The Conference Itself: Leading with Honesty

When it came time for the actual conference, Dr. Becky and her husband led with openness. They shared what had happened at home, what they were working on, and invited the teacher to share their insights too.

“We’re on the same team.”

That one phrase helped shift the entire tone of the meeting. No one needed to pretend their child was perfect—which actually made the conversation more productive. Everyone focused on support and solutions.

Parent Tips for Navigating a Tough Conference

✅ Practice saying: “I’m so glad you’re talking to me about this.”

✅ Lead with trust. Assume teachers want to help your child too.

✅ Be honest. Give your child’s teacher the info they need to be a true teammate.

✅ Start the meeting by saying: “We’re on the same team here.”

✅ Be curious, not defensive: Ask, “What do you think is underneath this behavior?”

Even When It’s Hard, You’ve Got This

“We all get reactive. We all need do-overs. But even hard conferences can be great when we lead with trust instead of control.” — Dr. Becky

A “not-so-great” conference doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent—or that your child is failing. It just means there’s something worth working through. And when you show up with honesty, openness, and a willingness to collaborate, you’re already doing the most important work.