If you’re one of those moms who never had morning sickness, let alone all-day sickness, don’t bother bragging in the comments.  Seriously.  Dude.  Go hold your baby who never cries.

If you’re one of those moms who threw up constantly and couldn’t stand the smell of meat or anything cooking or coffee or your husband’s breath, join the likes of Princess Kate — and me.

We’re kind of like sick pregnant royalty, bowing to the porcelain god.  When I was pregnant with my first baby, the first trimester made me vow never to have another baby.  I woke up sick and choked down a bland breakfast, then grabbed a cold water bottle to sip on the way to work, praying for no traffic jams so I could arrive in time to puke.  The lady in the next office who ate microwaved tuna casserole for lunch?  I pierced a voodoo doll in her name.

I subsisted on yogurt, peanut butter and apple sandwiches, and vanilla ice cream with blueberries.  I couldn’t cook a meal without losing my stomach, and had to close the windows when my husband begged to grill a steak.  My doctor prescribed a milkshake every night, just for the calorie intake.

This milkshake prescription, I think, is the only true remedy for morning sickness (or evening sickness).  Since I can’t ship my handsome milkshake-chef husband to your home, here’s the recipe for what he made me.  It’s the same thing my dad made when I was little, except that my dad added a raw egg.  Let’s skip that part.

The Best Milkshake

• 3 scoops of Vanilla Ice Cream
• 1/2 c. Milk
• 2 tsp. Nestle Quik Chocolate Powder
• 1/2 Banana, sliced
• (when you’re not pregnant, an added splash of Bailey’s is so, so good)

Pile all ingredients into blender and blend until smooth.  You may need to stop the blender and stir with a spoon occasionally.  Pour into a mug and enjoy!

If this isn’t your style of morning sickness remedy…Sigh. You can also try:

• Saltine crackers
• Herbal peppermint tea
• Chewing ginger
• Sipping Gatorade or sucking on frozen Gatorade cubes

Also, take your awful, fishy-tasting prenatal vitamins before bedtime, rather than in the morning.  Nothing is worse than burping fish oil all morning, so just sleep through that part.

If you’re so sick that you’re haven’t retained food for 24 hours, contact your caregiver.  That person should be contacted sooner if your urine is dark or strong smelling, if you vomit blood, if you have a fever or abdominal pain, if you feel faint or dizzy, or if you aren’t urinating at least every 4-6 hours.  Your caregiver can also decide if you’re a candidate for prescription anti-nausea medicine or vitamin B6.

And in the end, you have a beautiful baby and forget about all the puking and nausea and lying on gross but cool tile bathroom floors.

What kinds of morning sickness remedies worked for you?