I have spent the last two weeks looking for a pair of silver shoes, or black shoes, tall but not too tall with not too skinny of a heel. The perfect shoes found are now not perfect for the dress that was altered so that it wasn’t too long. Now it is too short. And wait, her shoulders look too wide and her ribs look way too big in it. And her bra doesn’t go with it. And she doesn’t fill out the front of it enough. We haven’t even got to the hair and makeup part and I am exhausted.
It is readily apparent that girls are much more self critical today than when I was younger. Does this stem from the media or the fact that we as parents are much more self critical and our daughters are just reflecting that back to us? I think back and my biggest complaints were that I didn’t like my nose and thought my lower stomach always had a pouch no matter how much I weighed. I don’t know that I ever said that out loud to anyone though. I have sat with the idea that she may be reflecting back to me, but I am really not that self critical. Are there things I would like to improve? Sure. Yet I don’t go around voicing them as I see this younger generation do, and I don’t always have those kind of thoughts spinning around in my head. Right now I am just wondering if I should let my silver halo shine forth or get the bottle of color back out. So if they aren’t getting it from us, where is it coming from?
There have been many conversations about the media today so I am not even going to go there. I just wanted to comment on my observation the last couple weeks to get you thinking about what we may be reflecting to our daughters, or not. If we aren’t reflecting it, then how do we go about helping them shift their perception of themselves. You can tell someone they are beautiful, but that doesn’t mean they receive it. Now there’s a thought. How do we take compliments? Do we receive them or counteract them? (“I really like that blouse you have on”. “Oh this old thing??”) Task #1 – Receive the compliments given to you, they are a gift.
Hmmm…Now there is a start of a conversation with her……