The last several days with my toddler have been rough.
Too little sleep, several veggie-centered battles, and ohmygosh if I hear the word mama one more time…I don’t know what the consequences will be, but it ain’t gonna be pretty—that much I'm sure of.
But then, he holds my hand falling asleep for his nap this afternoon (which he subsequently woke up from way too early, of course).
And in that tiny hand-holding moment, nothing else mattered.
I quit thinking about what a terrorizing monster he’s sure to become if present trajectory holds true. I forget that hearing mamamamamamamama 80 trillion times a day when dad is standing RIGHT THERE grates on my nerves to the point of a lock-myself-in-the-bathroom-with-a-bucket-of-cookies-and-I-don’t-even-like-cookies type of breakdown.
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All I know is that that moment of his tiny fingers surrounding mine is the very reason that I, Mama, breathe.
A couple of days ago, my dearest JoJo was thinking something similar. She posts on her Instagram:
“I'm challenging myself in this new year to live for now. The present. Taking in every breath, every sight, and sound and holding it dearly. Not thinking about how the good ol' days have passed us by or how the best is yet to come. But that right now, this very second, this is the gift. These are the days. These are the moments. And I’m gonna breathe them all in. If there's pain and sorrow, or happiness and hope, let it in and then let it out.”
It is so easy to mourn what was, or even what will be, but today is the day to rid ourselves of the distractions from true happiness. To stop letting the little things steal our joy, and focus on what really matters right now.
So, come what may with my burgeoning terror of a toddler, but in 2019 I’m resolving to give myself the gift of standing still a few times a day to breathe in all the little details of life with joy in my heart for what is.
And what a gift it will be.