How to Stop Taking Things Personally (And Teach Your Kids to Do the Same)

We’ve all been there. Someone gives you a weird look in the hallway. A friend forgets to text back. Your teen says something sharp. And instantly, your brain whispers: Did I do something wrong?

Taking things personally is a mental reflex for most of us—but it doesn’t have to be. In a powerful episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, trial lawyer Jefferson Fisher shared what to do instead—and how these lessons can help you raise more emotionally resilient kids, too.

The Heavy Truth: You’re Carrying Things No One Asked You To

“When I’m taking things personally, I’m picking up what no one asked me to carry.” — Jefferson Fisher

Jefferson uses a brilliant internal phrase to reset his mindset when someone says or does something that stings:

“Put it down, Jefferson.”

That rude email? Put it down.

That passive-aggressive text? Put it down.

That glance or silence you’re trying to decode? Put it down.

You don’t have to carry the emotional weight of someone else’s mood, energy, or behavior.

What Taking Things Personally Really Means

Fisher says how often we take things personally is directly tied to how much grace we give others.

“If you never give someone the benefit of the doubt, everything feels like a personal attack.”

That’s a powerful mindset shift for parents, especially when we model this for our kids.

How to Teach Your Kids Not to Take Things Personally

Kids are emotional sponges. They absorb the energy around them, and their developing brains often assume they’re the cause of others’ actions.

Here’s how to help them shift that:

✅ 1. Normalize Other People’s Moods

Say:

• “She might be having a hard day.”
• “His reaction probably has nothing to do with you.”
• “Sometimes people are upset about things we can’t see.”

✅ 2. Model the Reframe

Use language like:

• “That felt personal, but I don’t think it was.”
• “I’m not going to carry that with me.”
• “Let’s give them the benefit of the doubt.”

✅ 3. Encourage Emotional Curiosity

Ask:

• “What else might be going on with them?”
• “Is it possible this isn’t about you?”

Reminder for Parents: You’re Not Responsible for Every Mood Around You

Whether it’s your teenager slamming a door, your partner being quiet, or your boss sending a short email, pause before assuming it’s about you.

Take a breath. Assume good intent. Don’t pick it up.

“You’re not required to pick up what someone else is putting out.” — Jefferson Fisher

Real-Life Parenting Moment

Mel Robbins reflected on how this applies in parenting adult children, too. After asking her daughter if a new shirt was “new” (code for “How are you affording this?”), she realized the question was loaded, and if her daughter had said, “Are you trying to embarrass me?” it would have flipped the mirror.

Sometimes we say things without realizing how they land. Teaching our kids (and ourselves) to be curious, not reactive, gives everyone room to grow.

Grace Is Lighter Than Guilt

When we give others the benefit of the doubt, we lighten the load—not just for ourselves, but for our families.

Remind yourself and your kids often:

“Put it down. It wasn’t yours to carry anyway.”