In the latest case of Get Off My Lawn, I have to ask you something: what happened to pants?
I don’t mean they’ve disappeared, most people still have pants to wear, regardless of style or suitability. I’m not even talking about leggings as pants, because that’s something else entirely. I’m asking what’s happened to pants? I’ve been in this parenting game for more than a decade and if there’s one thing I can count on, it’s that my boys will rip the knees out of a pair of pants in less than a week. I don’t think my kids are extraordinarily active, they’re not riding their pants on gravel until they give, or shredding them with a bowie knife given them by a wise hobo, they’re just playing normally and RIP, there go the pants.
I’ve jokingly referred to their pants as single use. I have to make this joke a lot, especially to my mother. It’s not funny anymore. Why can’t pants last more than a day or two? How can there be a tear from seam to seam after two days? Should I send away for teflon to spray on denim? I don’t understand what’s happened to our clothes.
Pants didn’t used to be this flimsy, did they? I can barely remember my brother ever ripping out a pair. It was a big deal if pants ripped, there were patches and sewing, and maybe an iron involved. But pants these days! I’ve bought cheap pants, mass market pants, pants from upscale brands, even iron knee pants (the iron knee pants did last for three whole months, but still, rip, right across the knee.) I feel like the older teachers in the kids’ school are giving me the side eye–and why shouldn’t they? We have day one of Whole Pants, and then day after 180 days of Pants with Holes.
Is anyone else inundated in knee-less pants? Ripped jeans, torn khakis, holes in all of them. It kills me to throw away pair after pair of otherwise fine pants. My sons are going to have to wear cut off shorts in 35 degree weather pretty soon, because I’m exhausted from the upkeep. When they come asking for their college fund I’m going to point to the goodwill bag with 1,356 pairs of pants without knees.
PANTS! What’s Up?!
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