I ran across a video in my feed the other day—a well-meaning woman defending the choice to be a stay-at-home mom. She used phrases like:
- “We don’t need to justify our worth.”
- “Motherhood is work.”
- “We shouldn’t have to defend our choice.”
Honest truth? I rolled my eyes and said out loud to my screen:
“Where is this war happening?”
In our heads, for the most part.
Let’s Redefine What a “Working Mom” Means
It’s tricky, isn’t it?
- Some of us work full-time outside the home.
- Some part-time.
- Some from home.
- Some work out of necessity. Others work from passion or creative drive.
Some have children whose care is so intensive that it feels impossible to leave the house. Some volunteer in their communities, run PTAs, coach sports teams, or organize school fundraisers. Some take on full- or part-time responsibilities through their church. Some even dedicate as much time to GTL (gym, tan, laundry) as others spend in a cubicle.
(And yes, I live in Utah. We’ve all seen that Secret Lives of Mormon Wives type beat.
Hey girl—whatever fills your cup.)
The bottom line is: WE ALL HAVE WORK.
It all has value.
And we all need each other’s contributions.
The Importance of Representation—for Our Daughters and Our Sons
My daughter recently had her tonsils removed. Just hours after surgery, she said,
“My doctor was so smart and did such a good job—I want to be like her.”
It’s so important that our kids see role models in every walk of life.
They need to see the aunt who homeschools because public school wasn’t the right fit.
They need to see the moms engaged in their communities who are filling in so may gaps.
The mom who’s stretched thin and needs help (because honestly, that’s all of us sometimes).
The one with the stocked pantry and warm heart who is the hub of youth gatherings.
The lawyers, teachers, therapists, superintendents, and entrepreneurs raising families and building lives around them.
Our kids need it all.
We need it all.
And we need to start appreciating each other’s choices—without needing to understand or agree with every detail.
And finally, we need to acknowledge that all of those different people in the world HELP OUR CHILDREN by showing them lots of different ways they can choose to live their lives.
Do We Love Our Kids Any Less?
Here’s the truth:
Not once have I ever looked at another mom and thought:
“Does she love her kids as much as I love mine?” Simply because of the type of work she does?
Of course not.
The Real Benefits of Working Moms, Stay-at-Home Moms—and Just Happy Moms
The real magic isn’t in your work title. It’s in being a mom who is present, engaged, and fulfilled in a way that radiates into your home.
Want to know the strongest predictor of your child’s success and happiness?
It’s your happiness.
You are the only one who can decide what’s right for you and your family.
We’re All Navigating Maslow’s Pyramid
If you look at Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, it becomes clear: We all need our basics met to truly thrive.
So, as individuals, as parents, and as a community, our collective focus should be on giving each other a strong foundation.
For some, that means both parents working.
For others, it means investing heavily in needs at home.
The shape of your pyramid might look different than mine—and that’s okay.
We Love “Freedom”… But Only for Ourselves?
Here’s the thing: A huge chunk of Americans are obsessed with “freedom”—but only when it applies to them.
The second someone else’s freedom or choices look different, suddenly it feels like a threat to our values, our beliefs, and our lives.
But it’s not.
We all have work.
And if someone else’s choices threaten your sense of identity? Then maybe there’s some more internal work to do.
If you’re not comfortable in your own skin, your own motherhood, your own life—then someone else’s confidence will always feel like an attack.
So:
Keep your eyes on your own paper.
Do your own work.
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