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“Yep, I’m Pregnant and Incontinent”

Hey new mamas, have you seen this someecard?
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Okay ladies, you may pretend like it’s never happened to you, but I confess. I can now count on one hand the number of occasions sheer panic has ensued after one ginormous sneeze. I’m talking about the snickle ladies, a sneeze combined with a slight trickle. Or shall we call it a sneak? A sneeze combined with a leak. Either way, it means you’re both pregnant and incontinent.

If you’re pregnant, or if you’ve ever been pregnant, I guarantee you know what I am talking about.

Even if you’re an expert on Kegel exercises, your baby will burrow down into that already squished and full bladder. And oh the horror when pregnancy and incontinence meet for the first time. All voluntary control collapses in that one second sneeze, leaving you frantic at the damage.

This first happened to me while I was at work. I was sporting those incredibly comfortable, cotton scrubs medical professionals are blessed to call a uniform. It’s pajamas people, I get to wake up and put on pajamas. This is sheer and lightweight material makes for a very comfortable day…except if you are rendered pregnant and incontinent.

So, after a rather flustering sneeze, I rushed to the bathroom envisioning giant tale tells sign that I was no different than a toddler. I backed my rear up towards the bathroom mirror for closer examination. But there was nothing to be seen. Strange, I thought. I could certainly feel that things weren’t exactly “in the clear” in the panty section of my attire.

Thank you universe for this moment of pregnancy grace!

Later that night I recalled the incident to my husband. This experience was a first in my life, and I must say, I don’t know why I felt inclined to share the information with him. His roaring laughter lasted much longer than was appreciated.

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Have you noticed, when you’re stage dreaming of becoming a mama everything takes on that rosy hue of happiness? It is impossible to imagine what the next nine months of reality will actually teach you about yourself, what your body is capable of enduring, and all the unexpected bumps along the way…like a sneeze suddenly becoming an issue. All of these crazy pregnancy experiences will be uniquely your own. No one can really tell you how your pregnancy will map out.

With that said, as I near these final weeks of this nine-month adventure, I won’t berate you with advice. Because I know you’ve already heard multiple times from strangers in the grocery aisle, insisting you’re having a boy, or from your hairdresser, who has advised you against vaccinating your baby, or you’ve heard from a well-meaning man, at the Home Depot, swearing his wife’s water birth was the best decision they’ve ever made.

Instead, I offer up my encouragement and praise to my fellow first-time preggers.

Seriously, good work ladies!

Because I know it hasn’t all been shameless gorging on decadent chocolates, friends showering you with roses, and fondling adorable newborn attire from multiple baby showers . Mixed in with all that bliss, there are moments of sheer terror and self-doubt.

Do I even know how to be a Mom?

This eight pound baby has to exit where?!!!

As we look to each other for advice or encouragement we can all remember this… each one of us is living proof that it can be done! At least that’s what I keep telling myself. I’ve officially started my countdown… Only 25 more days to go! Deep Breaths.


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