Here's where I'm a hypocrite: I believe in personal privacy and choices that no one else can understand, and I love reading the latest celebrity gossip and imagining everything that's needed to fill in the gaps.
With the recent split of Tomkat, I at once feel bad for Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, and their young daughter, yet also want desperately to know what really happened. Like the rest of the world, I am prepared to concoct my own idea of their lives.
The Tomkat timeline goes something like:
1. Katie Holmes begins dating Tom Cruise. What the?! She was a B-actress with an old, dented BMW and he was freaking Tom Cruise. How do they even have a meeting, let alone a date?
2. Couch jumping on Oprah. Will surely convince the world of his undying love. Convinces us that he's crazy. Tomkat gets married.
Recommended for You
3. Baby Suri. Aw.
4. Katie continues to mature in her acting gigs and style. Tom takes some funny roles that give him cool clout. I still think she looks distant in pictures, but overall there's a sense of comfort...settling...selling your soul to L. Ron Hubbard?
5. Katie files for divorce while Tom's filming in Iceland. The 5-year contract rumors begin again (it's been 5 years exactly), but widespread sources believe Suri's religious upbringing caused the rift -- Tom's a Scientologist, and Suri's at an age where information gathering can begin, called a sec gathering. Perhaps Katie is leaving and asking for sole custody to protect her daughter?
The loving part of me wants to say that it's none of our business, but this is freaking Tom Cruise. I want to know what really happened to Tomkat like I want to know what was the purpose of Machu Picchu and how come Rory Gilmore never had acne even though she ate candy and burgers all the time.
I have a feeling this will get ugly. Tom's got a lot of shut-up money to throw around. It will either be publicly messy as Katie fights for her daughter, or it will appear quiet and Katie will die a little privately, drowning under his power. Meanwhile, will Tom conduct another excited couch interview, or swoop in with a new leading lady?
And Suri...the girl child. Widespread reports think that Katie's leaving her marriage to protect Suri from hard-core Scientology education. Besides hoping she isn't forced to choose sides with her parents, I hope this six-year-old doesn't also have to choose sides between God and Xenu. Book her therapy appointments now.