If your teen swears they “just can’t fall asleep,” you’re not imagining things—and they’re not just trying to stay up to watch TikToks. In a recent episode of the Ask Lisa podcast, psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour breaks down the real reason adolescents suddenly struggle with falling asleep—and why it has a lot more to do with biology than behavior.
And yes, phones play a role…but they’re not the root cause.
If sleep has become a nightly battle in your house, this explanation will change everything about how you approach your teen’s bedtime.
The Surprising Reason Teens Can’t Fall Asleep
1. Their Brains Shift Into “Sleep Phase Delay” During Puberty
Around age 11–13, a teen’s internal clock shifts later—a biological change known as sleep phase delay. According to Dr. Lisa, this isn’t rebellion or laziness; it’s hormonal and entirely normal.
“When kids go into puberty…their body wants to stay up later and wants to sleep in later.” —Dr. Lisa Damour
Your teen can fall asleep—just not as easily or automatically as they did when they were younger. The days of your kid conking out at 8 p.m. on the couch? Gone.
Their brain is literally wired to resist sleep.
2. Teens Get Better at “Fighting Sleep”
You’ve probably noticed that as kids get older, they can push through tiredness. Dr. Lisa explains:
“It’s not that they can’t sleep at all—it’s that they can fight falling asleep better as they get older.”
This means they don’t “pass out” like they did as little kids. They can override biological signals—and stay awake much longer than they should.
This is why consistent routines matter more than ever.
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3. Anxiety Makes It Even Harder to Fall Asleep
The episode focuses on a 12-year-old writing in about nighttime anxiety. Teens are often lying in bed with:
- spinning thoughts
- worry about school or friends
- fear something is “wrong” with them
- anxiety about not being able to fall asleep (which ironically…keeps them awake)
Dr. Lisa warns that this can become a negative feedback loop:
“The kid’s anxious, they’re not sleeping, so then they become more anxious…and so they’re not sleeping.”
This is the real battle—not their phones.
4. The Bedroom Can Become Associated With Anxiety, Not Sleep
When teens lie in bed worrying, their brain begins pairing “bedtime” with “stress.”
That association makes falling asleep even harder.
Sleep scientists agree:
If your teen has been awake in bed for more than an hour, it’s often better to get up and do something calming (with no tech involved).
5. Sleep Rituals Matter More Than Sleep Rules
Sleep isn’t a switch—it’s a destination.
Dr. Lisa emphasizes creating predictable, repeatable rituals their body recognizes as the pre-sleep sequence:
- Wash face
- Brush teeth
- Lotion/chapstick
- Stretch
- Read a familiar book
- Listen to a soothing audiobook (without looking at the screen)
“Your body learns the pattern…these are the things that come before sleep.”
Consistency—not strictness—turns off their brain.
6. Phones Aren’t the Root Problem…But They Absolutely Make It Worse
Yes, blue light delays melatonin.
Yes, phones keep teens up.
But phones aren’t the underlying reason teens can’t fall asleep.
Their shifted internal clock is.
However, when teens can’t sleep and reach for their phones, Dr. Lisa is blunt:
“Now they’re definitely not sleeping.”
Removing tech from the bedroom is still one of the most impactful changes you can make.
So What Can Parents Do?
Here are Dr. Lisa’s practical, compassion-centered recommendations:
Normalize the biology
Tell your teen:
“This isn’t your fault—your body is literally wired to stay up later right now.”
Normalize, don’t criticize.
Create a calming, consistent bedtime ritual
Predictability is more important than perfection.
Address worries during the daytime—not at 10 p.m.
Ask:
“What are you feeling anxious about? Let’s talk about it earlier, not at bedtime.”
Try perspective-shifting techniques
Such as:
- “How will this feel in a year?”
- “What would you tell a friend?”
These reduce anxiety on the spot.
If awake for more than an hour, get out of bed
Do something calming (no phone):
- read
- listen to soft music
- sketch
- sit in a cozy chair with dim light
Then return to bed once drowsy.
Seek help if anxiety spirals
If anxiety is consistently disrupting sleep, daily functioning, or mood, a pediatrician or therapist can help.
Fighting Biology
Teens aren’t fighting you at bedtime—they’re fighting biology.
Understanding that their internal clock has shifted (and that anxiety intensifies nighttime wakefulness) completely changes how we support our kids.
As Dr. Lisa puts it:
“There’s nothing wrong with you, kiddo. Your brain is remodeling, and it won’t be like this forever.”
With empathy, consistency, and the right bedtime habits, your teen can find their way back to healthy sleep.
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