If you’ve ever felt mom anger and been angry at your kids—and then guilty for it—you’re not alone.
In a powerful episode of the Mindful Mama Podcast, host Hunter Clarke-Fields sat down with Jungian analyst and author Lisa Marchiano (co-host of This Jungian Life) to unpack one of motherhood’s most uncomfortable truths: even the most loving mothers feel rage.
But rather than seeing that anger as a failure, Marchiano says it’s an invitation to self-discovery.
“Anything that’s really going to change us and be meaningful,” she says, “is going to be difficult.”
Motherhood, she explains, isn’t what holds us back from becoming who we’re meant to be—it’s often the very thing that transforms us.
Why Moms Get Angry (Even When They Love Their Kids)
In the episode, Marchiano describes her own shock at how much rage she could feel toward her children—especially when they were toddlers. This mom anger, she realized, is not a moral flaw but a mirror.
“I was shocked at the degree of rage I could feel toward these little people whom I adored,” she admits. “They’re so stinking cute—and yet that’s when my anger started coming out.”
That anger, she discovered, is not a moral flaw but a mirror. In Jungian psychology, it’s part of what Carl Jung called “the shadow”—the hidden side of ourselves we don’t want to acknowledge.
For moms, that shadow might include irritation, resentment, or the desire to escape.
“We’re not supposed to feel that way,” Marchiano says. “But it’s better to have a relationship with your shadow than to push it away—because otherwise, it runs things from behind the curtain.”
Your Shadow Isn’t the Enemy—it’s the Teacher
When we recognize our “shadow”—those darker impulses, jealousies, or moments of rage—we can work with them instead of being overtaken by them, which helps in dealing with mom anger.
Marchiano shares a brutally honest moment from her early motherhood years:
“One day, I dumped a pale of cool water over my toddler’s head out of frustration. She wailed—and I liked it. I thought, ‘Oh, there’s my sadism.’ It was humbling, but I realized I’d learned something about myself I didn’t know before.”
That uncomfortable awareness, she says, is what helps us grow.
“In some sense, what’s the purpose of life? To know yourself as fully as possible. And if that’s true, there’s nothing like parenting to help you get to know yourself—both your good parts and your bad parts.”
Repair Over Perfection
Every mom loses it sometimes—but Marchiano emphasizes that what matters most is what happens afterward.
“I was always really good at repair,” she says. “I’d say, ‘Mommy spoke to you in a way I wish I hadn’t, and I’m sorry.’”
This process of rupture and repair teaches kids that anger can be survived—and that relationships don’t have to break when things get messy. Even mom anger can be a learning opportunity.
Hunter Clarke-Fields notes that this openness also models emotional regulation for kids:
“It makes anger less scary for them,” she says. “When we can apologize and stay present, they learn that emotions are something we can handle together.”
Scroll to continue
More from Mama
Subscribe
Learning to Walk With Your Shadow in Front of You
Marchiano describes anger as an archetypal force—bigger than we realize. The goal isn’t to eliminate it but to learn how to walk with it consciously, even when mom anger feels overwhelming.
“There’s a saying I love,” she says. “Walk with your shadow in front of you. When it’s behind you, it’s chasing you. When it’s in front, you’re in relationship with it.”
That means being aware of your triggers, naming your emotions, and cultivating curiosity instead of shame. As Marchiano puts it:
“It’s very difficult to be curious and judgmental at the same time. If you can approach your mistakes with curiosity, you’ll learn far more than if you just criticize yourself.”
The PACE Framework for Self-Compassion
At the end of the episode, Marchiano shares one of her favorite tools for moms: PACE —
Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, and Empathy.
These qualities, she says, aren’t just for parenting—they’re for how you treat yourself, especially when dealing with mom anger.
- Playfulness: Find humor in hard moments.
- Acceptance: You’re human. That’s enough.
- Curiosity: Ask, Why did that moment trigger me? instead of What’s wrong with me?
- Empathy: Offer yourself the same compassion you’d give your child.
Growth Hides in the Hardest Places
Motherhood isn’t a test of patience—it’s a process of transformation. The anger, frustration, and guilt that rise along the way aren’t proof of failure; they’re signs that you’re evolving.
“Motherhood doesn’t hold us back,” Marchiano reflects. “It’s the thing that makes us into the person we’re meant to become.”
If you’ve ever lost your cool, take heart: your shadow doesn’t make you a bad mom. Experiencing mom anger makes you a whole one.
🎧 Mindful Mama Podcast with Hunter Clarke-Fields — featuring Lisa Marchiano, Jungian analyst and author of Motherhood: Facing and Finding Yourself.
Learn more at mindfulmamamentor.com/podcast or visit ThisJungianLife.com.
More on TodaysMama.com
Guilt, Anger, Fear, and Forgiveness in Parenting
What a Stanford Neurosurgeon Wants. You to Know About Happiness
Leave a Reply