Bullying doesn’t always look like name-calling or playground shoving. Sometimes, it shows up quietly, in stomachaches, untouched lunches, or kids who suddenly don’t want to go to school. These can be signs your child is being bullied and may need your support to address the issue.
In a powerful episode of Good Inside, Dr. Becky Kennedy and psychologist Dr. Cheryl Ziegler unpacked how parents can recognize subtle signs of bullying long before a child ever says the words “I’m being bullied.”
“Feelings live in our bodies,” Dr. Becky explains. “When a child’s body is saying, ‘I don’t feel safe,’ it might come out as a stomachache or a headache—not a sentence.”
Here are five hidden signs your child might be struggling—and how to respond in a way that helps them feel seen, safe, and supported.
1. Repeated Stomachaches or Headaches Before School
If your child regularly complains of stomach pain or headaches before class, it might not be a coincidence. These symptoms could be signs your child is being bullied.
Dr. Ziegler notes that these “mystery illnesses” often show up when a child’s body is in fight, flight, or freeze mode.
“When school feels unsafe, the body’s natural response is to want to flee,” she says. “Kids aren’t lying—they’re communicating through their bodies.”
What to do:
Instead of saying, “You’re fine,” try curiosity:
“Your stomach’s been hurting a lot in the mornings. I wonder if something at school feels hard or uncomfortable lately?”
Validation invites honesty; dismissal shuts it down.
2. Lunch Comes Home Uneaten
A full, untouched lunch can say a lot.
Maybe your child didn’t have anyone to sit with or felt too anxious to eat, which are possible signs of being bullied.
“The lunchroom can be one of the loneliest places,” says Dr. Ziegler. “If a child doesn’t feel they belong, even eating can feel impossible.”
What to do:
Gently ask, “Hey, I noticed your lunch came back full. Was lunch tricky today?”
Avoid judgment or interrogation—keep the door open for your child to share.
3. Sudden “I Don’t Want to Go to School” Mornings
If your once-eager student now drags their feet or invents reasons to stay home, pay attention. This change in behavior might indicate your child is experiencing bullying.
Dr. Becky calls this a “protective behavior” rather than a problem.
“When we see school avoidance, it’s easy to think our kid is manipulating us,” she says. “But more often, it’s a child’s nervous system saying, ‘That place doesn’t feel safe.’”
What to do:
Pause before pushing. Ask,
“I hear you don’t want to go—what’s making school feel hard right now?”
The goal is to understand the why, not to win a morning standoff.
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4. A Drop in Grades or Motivation
Bullying can drain emotional energy and concentration, leading to a drop in grades, which could be a sign that your child is being bullied.
Kids who once cared about school might suddenly lose interest, struggle to focus, or seem “checked out.”
“When a place doesn’t feel safe,” Dr. Ziegler says, “learning can’t happen. The brain is too busy protecting itself.”
What to do:
Instead of focusing on the grades themselves, focus on the connection:
“You’ve seemed less interested in school lately. How are things feeling with friends or classmates?”
5. Withdrawal—from Friends, Activities, or Group Chats
Social withdrawal is one of the clearest red flags that your child is dealing with bullying issues.
Your child might stop hanging out with friends, avoid their phone, or get unusually quiet about social media.
Dr. Ziegler warns that “group chats are the new cafeteria tables.” Being left out—or kicked out—can feel devastating.
“Kids used to be able to come home and escape it,” she explains. “Now the bullying follows them digitally.”
What to do:
Create tech-safe zones at home and check in regularly:
“Sometimes online stuff can feel really hard. Has anything been tricky lately?”
Normalize conversations about online drama instead of reacting with immediate bans or lectures.
The Bottom Line
Bullying today looks different from it did in the past, but the emotional pain is the same. Recognizing signs your child is being bullied can guide your support.
When your child’s behavior changes suddenly, resist the urge to jump straight to solutions. Start with curiosity, empathy, and presence.
“The best thing we can do,” says Dr. Becky, “is help our kids feel seen and supported. When they feel safe with us, they can handle hard things out there.”
For Parents Feeling Triggered
Hearing about your child’s pain can stir up your own childhood memories of exclusion or rejection. Take a breath. This is not your fourth-grade lunch table; it’s their experience.
Staying grounded helps you respond with strength, not fear.
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