As parents, we want to raise kids who are capable, resilient, and confident enough to handle life’s challenges. Encouraging them to figure it out on their own is vital in building these skills. But striking the right balance between helping and hovering isn’t easy.
On The Mel Robbins Podcast, entrepreneur Emma Grede—mom of four and co-founder of Good American—shared the phrase she repeats to her kids all the time: “Figure it out.” This mantra isn’t about leaving kids stranded; it’s about teaching them to problem-solve, take ownership, and build grit.
Here are 7 practical ways parents can help kids “figure it out” while still feeling supported and loved—paired with wisdom straight from Emma.
1. Start Small With Everyday Problems
Let kids handle age-appropriate tasks like packing their backpack, making their bed, or managing their allowance. Small responsibilities build confidence for bigger ones later.
“I tell my kids all the time—‘figure it out.’ Taking responsibility is the cornerstone of confidence.” – Emma Grede
2. Ask Questions Instead of Giving Answers
When your child is stuck, resist the urge to jump in. Try asking: “What’s one idea you have to solve this?” or “What could you try first?”
“Nobody owes you anything. You have to take responsibility and figure something out.” – Emma Grede
3. Embrace Mistakes as Lessons
Remind kids that every mistake is information—and often the fastest way to learn.
“You can fail, and it just means that thing didn’t work out. It doesn’t mean you don’t work. You just keep going.” – Emma Grede
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4. Model “Figure It Out” Behavior
Talk out loud when you troubleshoot—whether you’re cooking, fixing something at home, or solving a tech glitch.
“How you do anything is how you do everything. When I worked in a deli, I made the best sandwich. That’s excellence.” – Emma Grede
5. Praise Effort Over Outcome
Celebrate the process, not just the result.
“Excellence is about the effort you put in and whether or not it’s good enough for you—not about perfection.” – Emma Grede
6. Encourage Independent Research
Guide kids to find answers on their own—through books, safe search tools, or asking experts.
“Nobody is looking for you. No one. You have to start, ask questions, and go do something.” – Emma Grede
7. Balance Support With Space
Let kids know you’re there if they need backup, but resist swooping in too soon. Frustration can be healthy—it builds grit.
“Sometimes you feel angry or stuck, and that’s real. But ask yourself—does holding onto this serve me? If not, let it go and move forward.” – Emma Grede
Figure It Out!
Teaching kids to “figure it out” doesn’t mean leaving them alone to struggle. It means guiding them with the right mix of support and independence so they grow into capable, resilient adults. As Emma Grede says, “Taking responsibility is ingrained in me now, and it’s the cornerstone of who I am.”
So next time your child comes to you with a problem, take a breath before offering a solution. Hand the problem back with love and encouragement. Chances are, they’ll surprise you.
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