I keep telling myself 'today is the day.'
Today is the day that I'm going to get it together. I'm going to workout more, eat healthier. Practice patience. Serve up less frozen foods and use my Sundays to meal prep. I'm going to be on time. I'm going to schedule and plan and do all the things.
I'm going to juggle 500 balls simultaneously and I will do it with style. And then, week after week. Month after month.
This weekend it all came to a head. Like, a slow boil that starts to rise and then before you know it, it's spilling over. As I walked downstairs from getting my son down for his nap I was greeted by the usual mess. Dishes stretched across the counter, toys in the living room and unwashed clothes in the hamper next to the door. I could feel my heart start to race and my cheeks get flush. The voices started creeping in.
Every ounce of me said I needed to tackle it all. That I needed to use this time to "fix" everything. But what I really wanted? What I really needed was a break. In that moment I did something I normally don't do. I sat down. I left it all sitting there in the heaping mess that it was and I filled up my own cup. I chose to slow down.
As women, I know it's so hard. It's hard to silence our own voices and our own narratives. The one's that tell us that if we aren't going full-throttle 24 hours a day then we must be lazy or worse, failing. That somehow if we aren't moving every minute of every day then we must be letting balls drop. Right?
Sister, life isn't meant to be a blur. It's not meant to be a series of checklists and drive-bys. We have to stop sitting on the edge of burnout and exhaustion and calling it motherhood. It's OK to throw up a flag. It's OK to say I need a break.
Stop trying to fill up everyone's cup and take a look at your own. It's empty, isn't it?
That's not living, sister - that's just going through the motions.
I know the world is rushing around you at 50 thousand miles per hour, but that doesn't mean you have to.
This isn't about self-care. This isn't about a bubble bath or a weekend out with the girls. This is about self-preservation. This is about survival. It's about taking ownership of your own life and what you need. It's slowing down in a world that tells that if you aren't hustling then you aren't winning.
You are in control, sister. You have to start believing it.
I know it's hard. It's hard to be vulnerable, to say we need a break. What will people think?
Stop worrying about it. Stop comparing and letting guilt rule your life and what you do.
We would never want our children to run on empty. We would never tell them to not chase their dreams and pursue their passions. We would never tell them to put themselves last.
So, sister what are you doing?
Stop letting that pot boil up to the brink. Stop giving in to this perception that perfect exists and hustle equates to our worthiness, because it doesn't.
We have to flip the narrative. We have to silence those voices and learn to stand confidently. Every time we do, we encourage the women next to us to do the same.
Stand up, sister. Stand up in the messy, in the chaotic, in the imperfect life that you have and say pridefully,
I am worthy and YOU are too.
Jennifer is a working mom, blogger, wife, and mama to one rambunctious little boy. Surviving motherhood with a good laugh, dance parties, lots of coffee and a glass of wine. Follow along with her blog for the not so perfect, unorganized and unfiltered working mom at https://www.theywhinesoiwine.com/