About a month ago, I underwent left knee surgery. (Warning: picture of knee below..not as bad as you think-modern marvels of surgery today-all done arthoscopically-only three small scars!)
I was told back in December and on my 41st birthday that I have a torn meniscus and will need surgery along with a lateral release due to extensive arthritis….Happy Birthday…the joy. Then I had the surgery. The first two weeks I barely left my bedroom, my husband taking on all my responsibilities (thank you honey!). This time in bed, basically forced me to have time to think…while staring at my ceiling and yes….daytime t.v.
But not before I felt sorry for myself, cried in anger, depressed in pain and denial, and pure helplessness at my plight for not being and doing for my family. We are fortunate enough to live in a community of families that go out of their way to take care of each other, so for the first week I was down, a dear friend of mine set up a meal delivery for us with other families. My feelings were replaced with overwhelming thankfulness. At first I didn’t think I deserved all this, especially for something as small as knee surgery and especially since I had friends going through much more serious issues and illnesses. But then I learned to simply say thank-you. I learned to allow others to take care of me. I learned to write again in my journal, expressing my thoughts through paper and pen. I learned to work through and up to the pain and release it with a pure sense of fight. I took time to just be…think of nothing…think of everything.
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There were definite times of clarity, and then times of utter chaos and questioning over my past life…my journey to this point and where it will all lead too. What I learned most was to take time. Take the time to think, ponder, question and write. Take time to listen to my girls laughing and playing.
Take time to hug my husband deeply. Take time to reach out to friends and really just be with them. Take time for me to realize this is today…and I have two choices…make the most of it, or not. The choice really is mine…and I continue to learn.
It was actually nice to be away from it for bit, but I realized that the internet has become, like it has for many of us, a very real, undeniable way to connect and feel connected to each other, no matter how electronic it all may seem, the internet is and for me is a positive force that I look forward to and I know you do too!
I also just want to share that my heart, prayers and thoughts go out to the people in Japan.