Today's MILF

Author:: Carina
Updated:: Dec 18, 2018
Original:: Apr 1, 2011

Are you Stacy’s Mom? Do you have it going on?

It seems that today’s moms are a little more stylish and body conscious than moms of old. After all, 40 is the new 30; we’re taking pride in our look. The days of muumuus and house coats are gone with home perms and compression socks. When I go to parent-teacher conferences at my kid’s school, it’s Louis Vuitton bags, perfectly coiffed ponytails, over-sized glasses, and knee high boots over jeans. These are moms who know how they look and know how to maintain it. I don’t see a pajama pant or sloppy T in the bunch--they’re Today’s MILFs.

The Housewives, both Real and Desperate, prove that you can be glamorous and a mom. Is it any wonder that 4 inch heels are de riguer during classroom volunteer time? That the elementary school talent show will be 80% Lady Gaga tribute numbers this year?

So here are a few pointers to being Today’s MILF:

Practice your wink. Start with the bag boy at the grocery store.
Drive a hot car. If you drive a minivan, make sure it’s a Swagger Wagon. Opt for yellow.
“Taking the kids to Disney” is a great euphemism for spending Spring break in the capable hands of your plastic surgeon.
Smartphone bling. Your smartphone needs to sport more flash than your glitter toes.
Nursing bras. Easy access is more fun for everyone.
Pick a palette. Make sure all your children’s clothing will match your wardrobe. Nothing is worse than a clashing child.
Tell people you have a “gluten-intolerance” so you can keep your figure trim.
How do you eat a strawberry? There’s a right way and a wrong way. Know which way is best for you.
If your Bugaboo gets an ounce of baby spit, it’s time to replace. (Just make sure it’s not an orange one; you’re not a hipster.)
Not sure how to act? Ask yourself WWBS: what would Britney Spears do.
Wear a shirt that says “MILF". Subtlety is lost on the masses.
Have a daughter? Leopard, hot pink, ruffles, and “MILF in Training” shirts are all available starting in the 6-9 month range.
Jon Bon Jovi, Jon Bon Jovi, Jon Bon Jovi