Today's MILF
Are you Stacy’s Mom? Do you have it going on?
It seems that today’s moms are a little more stylish and body conscious than moms of old. After all, 40 is the new 30; we’re taking pride in our look. The days of muumuus and house coats are gone with home perms and compression socks. When I go to parent-teacher conferences at my kid’s school, it’s Louis Vuitton bags, perfectly coiffed ponytails, over-sized glasses, and knee high boots over jeans. These are moms who know how they look and know how to maintain it. I don’t see a pajama pant or sloppy T in the bunch--they’re Today’s MILFs.
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The Housewives, both Real and Desperate, prove that you can be glamorous and a mom. Is it any wonder that 4 inch heels are de riguer during classroom volunteer time? That the elementary school talent show will be 80% Lady Gaga tribute numbers this year?
So here are a few pointers to being Today’s MILF:
- Practice your wink. Start with the bag boy at the grocery store.
- Drive a hot car. If you drive a minivan, make sure it’s a Swagger Wagon. Opt for yellow.
- “Taking the kids to Disney” is a great euphemism for spending Spring break in the capable hands of your plastic surgeon.
- Smartphone bling. Your smartphone needs to sport more flash than your glitter toes.
- Nursing bras. Easy access is more fun for everyone.
- Pick a palette. Make sure all your children’s clothing will match your wardrobe. Nothing is worse than a clashing child.
- Tell people you have a “gluten-intolerance” so you can keep your figure trim.
- How do you eat a strawberry? There’s a right way and a wrong way. Know which way is best for you.
- If your Bugaboo gets an ounce of baby spit, it’s time to replace. (Just make sure it’s not an orange one; you’re not a hipster.)
- Not sure how to act? Ask yourself WWBS: what would Britney Spears do.
- Wear a shirt that says “MILF". Subtlety is lost on the masses.
- Have a daughter? Leopard, hot pink, ruffles, and “MILF in Training” shirts are all available starting in the 6-9 month range.
- Jon Bon Jovi, Jon Bon Jovi, Jon Bon Jovi
What about you? Do you own it? How are you Today’s MILF?
