This is the Way the Cookie Crumbles©

“Girl Scouts? Oh-no! We have to pretend we’re not home!”
Author:
Publish date:

Normal
0

false
false
false

MicrosoftInternetExplorer4

/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ansi-language:#0400;
mso-fareast-language:#0400;
mso-bidi-language:#0400;}

“Hey Honey, who’s that at the door?”

“I’m not sure. My x-ray vision isn’t working through this cement wall.”

“Very funny, Superman. Could you look out the window?”

“Um, it looks like Girl Scouts.”

“Girl Scouts? Oh-no! We have to pretend we’re not home!”

“Why? They’re about ten years old. They don’t look dangerous.”

“Do they have boxes with them?”

“Boxes? Um, yeah. You think they have some sort of weapons cache in the boxes.”

“No! Cookies.”

“Cookies?”

“Yes, Girl Scout cookies.”

“Are they explosive Girl Scout cookies?”

“NO!!! They’re FATTENING Girl Scout cookies.”

“Ah. I’m beginning to see the light.”

“Let’s hide.”

“They already saw me look out the window… twice.”

“Rats.”

“You can just say ‘no.’”

“It’s not that easy. When they look at you with those big, pleading eyes and hold out the box of Thin Mints, you can’t say no.”

“So just buy some cookies. What’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is that I gained seven pounds over the holidays and my New Years’ resolution was to get back in shape and I CAN’T LOSE WEIGHT IF THERE ARE GIRL SCOUT COOKIES IN THE HOUSE!”

“They aren’t going to jump out of the pantry and yell ‘eat me,’ you know.”

“You don’t understand. I love Thin Mints. And those Tagalongs are sooo good. Not to mention the Caramel Delites.

“You know them all by name?”

“…Actually, I think the Do-si-dos were my favorites when I was little.”

“This is so sad.”

“…Of course, now I like to have the All Abouts with my coffee.”

“Maybe you should talk to someone about this… you know, professionally?”

“I wonder if they still have those yummy lemon ones?”

“Oh, you mean the Lemon Coolers? Those aren’t available anymore.”

“They’re not? Wait a minute… how do you know that? Ahhhh! They’ve already been here! They sold you some cookies! They’re not here to take orders… They’re delivering the cookies you already bought! You traitor!”

“Er, um…I got them for the kids!”

“Fine. But I get the Thin Mints.”



©2008, Beckerman. All rights reserved. For more Lost in Suburbia, visit Tracy Beckerman at www.lostinsuburbia.net, and check out her hilarious new book “Rebel without a Minivan” at Amazon and www.rebelwithoutaminivan.com

Related

A High Note for Belle

Our family just got back from watching a girls’ high school basketball game and I have to tell you my nerves are shot to smithereens. No, I wasn’t nervous about whether or not our school’s team would win the game; in fact we had to leave before the game was over so I don’t even know who won.

Santa, I Hope This Letter Won’t Come as a Shock

Dear Santa, I’ve really enjoyed the past ten years that we’ve been together. We’ve had some fun times. And I would never want to hurt your feelings, but I think the best way to deal with my own feelings is to be completely honest with you. So I’m sorry, Santa, but I’m breaking up with you.

Thanks for Restaurants, Bananas and Plumbing

My kids Belle and Joe and I were out to dinner with a friend and her kids recently when my friend’s five year-old daughter, Zoe, looked up from her food long enough to proclaim in her sweet little-girl’s near-whisper of a voice, “This is the finest restaurant I’ve ever been in.”

School Projects from Hell

My sister-in-law was telling me recently about a school project assigned to her daughter in kindergarten. This was the cheerful instruction the teacher sent home on a sheet of bright yellow paper: Bake a cookie which represents the Great Plains ~ Bring to class on Monday!

Parent-Teacher Conferences: Facing My Fears

We had parent-teacher conferences for both our kids a few weeks ago. I always get nervous about parent-teacher conferences when they come up, which at our school is twice during the school year. I just have this deep-seated fear

My Work Here is Done

It’s been five years now since my first book, “Confessions of a Slacker Mom,” was published. And not only have my royalty checks diminished to the point where they’ll barely cover the cost of a double Frappucino, it seems the book itself has now outlived its usefulness.

I Resolve to Be More Like a 6-Year Old

Joe and Belle had their first day of school yesterday after a nice, long holiday break, and Joe came home with a list of New Year’s Resolutions which his teacher had apparently asked the kids to formulate on their first day back.

Hurray! Oh, Rats.

I just read in The New York Times that a recently-published volume called “The Dangerous Book for Boys” has zoomed up to Number Two on the Amazon bestseller list, outdone only by the latest Harry Potter. I’m elated! This book instructs kids on such worthwhile activities as how to make a tree house, skip stones, and fold paper airplanes. Hurray!