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This is the Way the Cookie Crumbles©

“Girl Scouts? Oh-no! We have to pretend we’re not home!”




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“Hey Honey, who’s that at the door?”

“I’m not sure. My x-ray vision isn’t working through this cement wall.”

“Very funny, Superman. Could you look out the window?”

“Um, it looks like Girl Scouts.”

“Girl Scouts? Oh-no! We have to pretend we’re not home!”

“Why? They’re about ten years old. They don’t look dangerous.”

“Do they have boxes with them?”

“Boxes? Um, yeah. You think they have some sort of weapons cache in the boxes.”

“No! Cookies.”


“Yes, Girl Scout cookies.”

“Are they explosive Girl Scout cookies?”

“NO!!! They’re FATTENING Girl Scout cookies.”

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“Ah. I’m beginning to see the light.”

“Let’s hide.”

“They already saw me look out the window… twice.”


“You can just say ‘no.’”

“It’s not that easy. When they look at you with those big, pleading eyes and hold out the box of Thin Mints, you can’t say no.”

“So just buy some cookies. What’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is that I gained seven pounds over the holidays and my New Years’ resolution was to get back in shape and I CAN’T LOSE WEIGHT IF THERE ARE GIRL SCOUT COOKIES IN THE HOUSE!”

“They aren’t going to jump out of the pantry and yell ‘eat me,’ you know.”

“You don’t understand. I love Thin Mints. And those Tagalongs are sooo good. Not to mention the Caramel Delites.

“You know them all by name?”

“…Actually, I think the Do-si-dos were my favorites when I was little.”

“This is so sad.”

“…Of course, now I like to have the All Abouts with my coffee.”

“Maybe you should talk to someone about this… you know, professionally?”

“I wonder if they still have those yummy lemon ones?”

“Oh, you mean the Lemon Coolers? Those aren’t available anymore.”

“They’re not? Wait a minute… how do you know that? Ahhhh! They’ve already been here! They sold you some cookies! They’re not here to take orders… They’re delivering the cookies you already bought! You traitor!”

“Er, um…I got them for the kids!”

“Fine. But I get the Thin Mints.”

©2008, Beckerman. All rights reserved. For more Lost in Suburbia, visit Tracy Beckerman at, and check out her hilarious new book “Rebel without a Minivan” at Amazon and


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