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I Think I Have Breast Cancer

I’m wildly protective about my health. Growing up, my little sister had a heart transplant, and passed away 2 years ago of a lymphoma related to that transplant. In retrospect her struggles with both physical and mental illness have impacted my life, my outlook and my choices for good. But reflectively, it’s made me nuts about my health. It also made me scared to death to have babies.

My grandmother had colon cancer at 32. So of course, I had to have a colonoscopy before I turned 33. Check – done in November. Everything was great and I really enjoyed the drug that they gave me. :D

I had blood clots in my legs in December. Which I shouldn’t have. I exercise, I eat (ok), I have healthy veins via ultrasound. Upon further investigation (on my own) I found that I had very high amounts of estrogen in my system. Upon even further investigation I found that I had a lump in my left breast. My lymph nodes in my left arm have been aching for 2 months. All of these things – signs of breast cancer. (and the high estrogen would also explain my blood clots in my legs and the aching in my joints - which are both gone now that I've corrected things).

And as I waited for my mammogram and ultrasound last week, in my heart – the sky is falling. I think I have breast cancer.

2011 was suppose to be a great year. My husbands car accident is behind us, I’ve cleaned out every nook and cranny of my house to feel like we have a fresh start, I’ve even totally changed my musical play lists. I’ve taken feng shui to an entirely new level. We need some good mojo at my house.

While I waited . . . my mind was spinning wildly out of control. I’ve mentally travelled down the road of a double mastectomy, losing my ability to have any more children, losing my hair (which is in my opinion my only redeeming quality), and of course I’ve imagined having to leave my children without a mother. And I've all ready had the conversation with my husband that he'd probably find a way cooler, way hotter wife than me. And that I would haunt them from heaven.

Screen shot 2011-02-13 at 2.40.55 PM

All without a diagnosis.

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And of course, in the irony of my life, we are running a campaign this month on to help prevent breast cancer. To spread awareness that you can find out if you carry the gene. To help you outrun this horrible disease.

So yeah. In the irony of my life, in my wildly irrational mind, I'm dead and buried.

Why am I writing this? We talk a lot about the things we have or the things that have all ready happened to us. But maybe we don’t talk about the scary monsters that are running around in our head. The irrational thoughts that we have as mothers, as women, as children in our hearts. We don't let the cat out of the bag that we are fully irrational about our health. (at least I am). So I’m telling you about my boogey man. And maybe I think that by telling you that I’m outrunning him a little more, or that maybe you’ll outrun yours.

Either way, it's our job to protect our health and the health of our families. So just ask your doctor about your family history and see if you should get any test done for early detection.

As for me? I had my boobs put in the vice last Wednesday (aka a mammogram). In the words of my very sweet, very handsome and well dressed radiologist: "Oh sweetie . . . you know how mattresses are lumpy? Well that's just like your left boob. We'll see you when you're 40."

That's right. Lumpy mattress boobs.

Now I can return to obsessing about how my iPhone is radiating my body and planting the seeds of . . . a brain tumor.

Because we care about your lady parts almost as much as we care about our own, we're dangling an iMac out in front of you to remind you to stay healthy and up to date on your screenings.ENTER HERE


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