But He didn’t . . . and I’m ok with that. A lot of people have spent a bit of time wondering what could have changed the car accident that my husband was in after hiking the Grand Tetons.
What if they left 5 minutes later? What if they had taken a longer nap in meadow coming down? What if he had stayed up on the mountain longer. What if he hadn’t gotten sick? What if I hadn’t let him go on the trip in the first place . . .
I’ve had a few “what if “ questions run through my mind. But they can’t stay long because I can’t change anything. It’s a pretty defeating mindset to be in.
I do have a few other questions that do come to mind: What if his back injury had been a centimeter closer to his spinal cord? What if he were paralyzed? What if the kayaks that flew through the window would have hit him in the head? What if he had head trauma? What if he died in the O.R. (because he almost did)?
I’ve always said that God is a grand orchestrator. And truthfully, if He wanted to stop this accident from happening, He would have. Because He can. I don’t doubt that for a moment.
I also don’t think that God likes for us to hurt any more than I like to see my children hurt. But I think it’s part of what we came here to do. There is a scripture in the Book of Mormon that says “Adam fell that men might be, and men are that they might have joy.” I fully believe that God intends for me, for Mark, for our little family to be happy. But I also believe to fully know happiness we have to experience the opposite.
I’ve also been taught for most of my life that we came here to exercise our free agency and to make choices. I also believe that we existed before we came here, and that we will also exist after we leave this place. In my mind, I don’t think that free agency could be complete without the opportunity to accept or reject some of these majors trials we would face before we came for this experience. I believe this for myself, I believe it for Mark, I believe it for my sister who passed away 2 years ago next month.
I know we are being blessed beyond measure and I’m grateful for it. The “what if’s” paralyze me to consider how much worse things could be. And most of all I’m extremely grateful to be surrounded by so many amazing people who love Mark, me, and our family.
We’ve got a big 6 months ahead of us, but I’m glad we have it. And I’m grateful to all of you who are helping us through it.
Signing off with a (pretty blurry) picture of my very handsome husband smiling yesterday – a big milestone I’ve been waiting for. :)