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Art Linkletter and Bill Cosby Were Right

Art Linkletter and Bill Cosby Were Right
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There once was a show on TV called “Kids Say The Darndest Things” first hosted by Art Linkletter in the 1950’s and ’60’s and later by Bill Cosby in the late ’90’s.  Many of the children on those shows made some pretty funny observations, however, I think my son, Daniel, would have been the best contestant.

One of my favorite aspects of being a parent is listening to the adorable and oftentimes incorrect utterances that come out of our childrens’ mouths.  While each of my kids has had their share of memorable phrasing, it’s Daniel, my 9-year old, that cracks me up the most.

Ryan used to say “com-der-dull” for “comfortable,” Kayla christened helicopters “hep-ta-copters” and  Shannon once sang, “I can see clearly now the rain is gone.  I can see all ‘popsicles’ in my way…”, but it’s my youngest child that seems to come out with the most unique and hysterical interpretations.

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Daniel and I often have conversations about how much we love each other.  I’ll ask, “Dan, know what?” and he’ll respond with “You love me.”  I then list all the things I love him more than:  ice cream, air, the galaxy, etc.  He once told me he loved me more than the galaxy, too, which made me think of Daniel’s favorite:  “Star Wars”. So I asked him, since he loved me more than the galaxy, did he love me more than “Star Wars” ?  He pondered it for a moment and said, “Mom, it’s a fifty/fifty toss.”  Cold as Hoth,  Dan, cold as Hoth.

Daniel is also a big fan of ’70’s and ’80’s music.  One day we were listening to Pilot’s old song, “Magic” and Daniel sang his own version: “Oh oh oh it’s magic, in love, never believe it’s not sooooo.”  I looked at him quizzically and then said, “I think you have the words wrong, Daniel.  The words are, “Ho, ho, ho, it’s magic, you knoooow…”  He stopped me right there.  In all seriousness, he replied: “It’s not a Christmas song, Mom.”

Just recently, Daniel exclaimed that he was excited that we would be coming into money.

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“What money?  What am I missing?” I asked him.

“The money from Texas,” was his answer.  Thinking my mom, who lives in Texas, was sending us a windfall for some reason, I scrunched by brow until it hit me.

“Do you mean taxes, Daniel?” I smiled.

Sheepishly, he agreed, the money would be from taxes, not Texas.

Now that Daniel is in the 4th grade, he oscillates between still being a regular 9 year old and trying to fit in with the bigger kids.  For instance, he still believes in Santa Claus but he acts all tough around his older siblings.  After watching an episode of “SpongeBob Square Pants”, Daniel suddenly felt it necessary to inform me that our female dog, Lola, would one day have puppies after having “intercourse.”  I looked at him surprised, and asked him what exactly he knew about intercourse.

“It’s s-e-x, Mom,” came his nonchalant response.  I sighed deeply and wished we were talking about Santa, instead.

However, my favorite Daniel story, by far, is when he was playing baseball on his father’s team.  They were sponsored by Dick’s Sporting Goods and Daniel happened to standing by a bucket of baseballs before practice one day.  Another coach came by and was digging through the bucket of balls, looking for her team’s baseballs that she thought had gotten mixed in with Daniel’s team’s.  When Daniel inquired what she was doing, she explained she was trying to differentiate between her team’s baseballs and his team’s baseballs.  With total innocence, Daniel provided a simple solution for her: “Well, my dad’s balls have Dick’s on them.”  It’s comments like that one that it make being a parent so worthwhile.

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What remarks have your kids made that you’ll never forget?


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