Skip to main content

All That Glitters is - Glitter

I’m not sure why little girls are such fans of glitter, but they are.  Maybe like big girls, they like pretty, shiny things.  Glitter could be like training-bling, or something like that.

When you have a daughter in the house, there is always the chance that you will end up covered in glitter.

I’m not sure why little girls are such fans of glitter, but they are. Maybe like big girls, they like pretty, shiny things. Glitter could be like training-bling, or something like that.

I suppose the retail industry must know this, which is why they put glitter on everything for girls these days. However, the problem with glitter, as everyone knows, is it comes off. Everywhere. On everything. And when you have a kid who likes to wear things that are covered in glitter, it is likely that the rest of the family will end up wearing it too… whether they want to or not.


“Why is the dog glittering?” my husband asked as we noticed the dog sparkling in the sunlight.

“Oh, it’s the new dog glitter I bought him,” I said sarcastically. “Doesn’t it make him look fancy?”

My husband gave me a dubious look.


“NO! It came from our daughter’s new shirt that she got from a friend for her birthday.” I held up the offending article of clothing that I had just retrieved from the wash. I thought perhaps that washing it might loosen some of the excess glitter. I gave the shirt a shake and glitter fluttered into the air. Lots of glitter. It looked like Tinkerbell had just swooped in and showered us with Fairy Dust. I wondered if I should think happy thoughts to see if I could fly. My first happy thought was to burn the glitter shirt.

Scroll to Continue

Recommended for You

The problem, of course, was, it wasn’t just the shirt. She had glitterfied jeans, a glittered pocketbook, glitter socks and glitter sneakers (I admit, I bought her those… but that was before the rest of the glitter epidemic). She even had spare glitter to add to her other glitter items in case they became less glittery over time. This seemed to be a distinct possibility since clearly, much of the glitter had fallen off the original glitter items and had settled on everything else in the house.

As I surveyed the increased glitterness in the room, it was clear that the washing theory didn’t hold up. After I shook out the shirt there was more glitter on the couch, on my husband and on me. I tried to brush the glitter off the couch and it flew back up into the air. My husband sneezed as glitter flew up his nose.

I wondered if Irreconcilable Glitter was grounds for divorce.

While my husband and I picked glitter off each other’s faces, my daughter entered the room and looked around.

“Why is everything all sparkly?” she asked.

“It’s glitter,” I said.

“Oh! Are you redecorating again?” she asked enthusiastically.

“Yes,” I responded. “Do you like it?”

She looked around. “I like it on the couch and the rug. But I don’t think it works on the dog.”

©2009, Beckerman. All rights reserved. For more Lost in Suburbia, visit Tracy Beckerman at, and check out her hilarious new book “Rebel without a Minivan” at Amazon and



Making Friends on the Supermarket Checkout Line

Looks like you’re having a party,” said the woman on the supermarket checkout line behind me.  I gave her a withering smile.  I could see where this was going.


Fish Out of Water

There are some exotic breeds of tropical fish that have to live in an environment where the temperature cannot fluctuate more than one or two degrees or they will die. I’m kind of like those fish.

I'm Gonna Wash That Gray Right Out of My Hair©

OK, I admit it: I color my hair. Sometime between age thirty-five and recently, the gray hairs started coming in fast and furious.

Only the Nose Knows©

I can smell something in the next county.  I can detect unseen mold under a bathtub mat.  I can sniff out spoiled milk from behind refrigerator doors.  Like any superpower, this particular trait can sometimes be a gift, and sometimes a curse.


A Scorpion in the Bathroom is Worth Two in The Bush

“You found a WHAT in your bathroom?” I shouted to my brother over the phone. “A scorpion,” he said, rather nonchalantly.


The Chinchilla Did It!

My son held up two sheets of paper, or what was left of them. Half of the essays had been gnawed off, as well as a good chunk of the plastic folder they had been residing in.

Don't Let the Turkeys Get You Down©

“Congratulations!” boomed the checkout girl in the supermarket aisle as she handed me my receipt.  “You qualify for a free turkey!”


How I Lost a Chinchilla, Freed the Crickets, and Ended up at the Dentist

The day started innocuously enough.  I made the rounds feeding all the pets, as I do every morning. I drove the kids to school, stopped at the pet shop to pick up more crickets for the lizard, and then I came home. And that is when I saw it:  The door to the chinchilla cage was open and the chinchilla was gone.