I watched Sheryl Sandberg on 60 Minutes talk about her new book, Lean In, based on her call to women to engage. She addresses how women deliberately exclude themselves from so much because they feel self-doubt, and learn to downplay their accomplishments at a young age. It’s a troubling observation, but I’ve seen it too, and my guess is that you have as well.

Last Friday I had the chance to speak to women at a university conference about how to balance work, family, and faith. My plea was for women to pursue education and finish their degrees, not to limit themselves because of what they think will happen, or prepare for anything that might. Sheryl Sandberg has the second part of that plea: for women to “lean in.” Meaning: don’t turn down opportunities because you’re scared they might not fit with your plans to have a family one day, or because you’re scared of accepting responsibilities, or choosing to play it too safe. Her conclusion: it’s not just men who hold women back, women do it to themselves.  Lean in Sheryl Sandberg says, “The data shows that when it comes to ambition to lead, to be the leader of whatever you’re doing, men and boys outnumber girls and women…My message isn’t blaming women, there’s an awful lot we don’t control, but I’m saying there’s an awful lot we can control…we can sit at more tables, raise more hands.”

I worked in a lot of work environments over the years and I saw this happen all the time. The other women in the room wouldn’t raise their hands, wouldn’t question, wouldn’t participate, especially when company leaders were present. It always baffled me. But the moment in Sandberg’s interview that blew my mind?

“I want every little girl who’s told she’s bossy, to be told instead she has leadership skills.”

Boom. How many of you were told that you shouldn’t be so bossy? Did anyone ever tell you those were leadership skills? Are you telling your daughter to not be bossy? Do you think you’ll stop now?

At another point, Sandberg openly admits to the ever-present guilt women feel,

“I feel guilty a lot. I compare myself to the women who are at-home mothers. I’m a little intimidated, to be totally honest. Because we all feel a little insecure about our own choices, we get pitted against each other…Every woman I know feels guilty about the choices they’re making, including myself…

The things that hold women back, hold them back from the boardroom table and from speaking up at the PTA meeting.”

I’m the mother of a girl now and I worry about the messages I send to her, as well as the ones she’ll receive from her peers and colleagues. I hope that I’m teaching her that her voice is valuable, that she shows leadership skills, that she can make a difference on the PTA, in the boardroom, or anywhere else she wants to be. I don’t want her to lean back because she’s scared of what being engaged means, or how it could expose her to everything from ridicule to failure.

How do you think we should start talking to our children, and each other, about letting go of fear and stop putting limits on futures?

Here’s the full interview from CBS 60 Minutes:

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Photo of Homemade Tagalongs courtesy of Baking Bites

Rock on Girl Scouts…

Samoa Bark

Samoa Cookie Bars

Get More Parents Volunteering and Do it SMARTER!

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The first year I helped was for the Kindergarten Halloween party. I made sugar cookies from scratch for the kids to decorate. I was also totally nervous. I mean, I know I’m an adult and a mom, but who could have guessed that moms are just people who are winging it, too? When I got to the class my son was thrilled. “Hey everyone, this is my MOM,” he said, “And she makes the best cookies EVER.” Just let me melt into the ground.

I clearly remember the moms who helped in my elementary school classes. We shall not speak of the ruinous 2nd Grade St. Patrick’s Day party with the green milk and green treats that gave me a life-long aversion to artificially colored anything. GREEN MILK. So help me…

My kid is in a Spanish language immersion program; he spends half the day in Spanish class and the other half in English. Since I’m one of the few parents who are fluent in Spanish, I have to volunteer. Well, I don’t HAVE to, but there aren’t enough people to help the kids with their writing and compositions otherwise. I go in for one morning a week. Just like the teacher, I won’t speak anything except Spanish. This confuses the kids from the neighborhood who are used to me speaking in English. I remember one kid in the first week giving me a stink-eye and saying, “HEY, you can talk NORMAL. Why are you speaking Spanish? You can talk NORMAL.”

(Then I explained in Spanish that this is Spanish class and in Spanish class we speak Spanish. ¿De acuerdo?)

A friend of mine told me she likes to volunteer at school because she gets to know the kids and the faculty. She’s on the inside and hears the dirt, all to get the best teachers for her kids. I keep thinking of what it was like when I worked full-time, I could only help once in a while, like with that Halloween party. As a former full-time in an office worker, a big thank you to the moms who do have the flexibility to volunteer at school.

I love to volunteer because I know I’m really helping. My kids’ faces brighten up when I walk in the door. It’s fun to relay stories of what happened in class, or funny things the kids say, to the other parents. I like to see that the teachers have orderly and controlled rooms. It’s only once a week, but it’s one of the highlights.

What have you learned from volunteering at school?

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Your kids want to see you in the classroom, right? You don’t have a lot of time, right? Busy moms are… BUSY!  Between working full time jobs or work-from-home jobs or just the dang dishes(!) moms are exhausted people.

But it’s been shown that children literally do better in school when parents are more involved. How do you help more and not get overwhelmed?

VolunteerSpot is a cool tech tool!

VolunteerSpot (www.VolunteerSpot.com) is a very simple, online coordinating tool that makes it easy for any room mom, teacher or parent to ask for help. (And more help equals a less exhausted mom!)

More than ¾ of a million people have already signed up to help using VolunteerSpot and our research shows that an average of 20 percent more volunteers get involved when our free electronic signup tools are used!

• Simple Planning — VolunteerSpot works just like an online party invitation — you quickly and easily set up everything you need people to do or to bring and then you invite parents to sign up for their  ‘spot’.

• Link Up! — Parents either get an emailed invitation or click a link on the classroom website or facebook page.

• Easy Peasy — Click the link on your computer or smartphone screen to see all the shifts or items to be filled and choose the one that works for your schedule.

• Never Forget Again — VolunteerSpot sends automated confirmation and reminder messages that help everyone keep their commitments.

• Use it Anywhere — VolunteerSpot is also great for organizing the soccer snack schedule, swim team, Scout campout and fundraisers like school carnivals, bake sales and book fairs.

When more parents get involved, more kids are the winners. Go back to school with your kids this year! And right now you can help your school be a winner, enter to win $500 worth of school supplies for your school on the VolunteerSpot facebook page.

Brought to you by the team at VolunteerSpot….

About the author: Carissa Rogers is a busy mom of 3 and blogs at GoodNCrazy.com and VolunteerSpot. When she’s not playing photographer, leading the PTO, or chasing kids to and fro she’s connecting, consulting, freelancing and lots of other -ings …a mom of all trades

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