I used to joke with nervous first-time-mother friends, as they nested, “Don’t worry, all you need is a drawer and a blanket.”  A weak assurance that won’t be used, now, after this.

Thank you to Kelly for sharing this generational birth story, and congratulations on the birth of your baby girl.  I know you’ll savor every moment with her.

The post What He Took: A Birth Story by Kelly Grey Carlisle appeared first on TodaysMama.

Ed Note: Kathy was kind enough to share the story of how she became a mother with us, and just in time for Mother’s Day. Thank you, Kathy, for your surrogacy story!

I’ll never forget the day I heard the dreaded words, “It is unlikely that you’ll be able to carry a child of your own.”

I suppose they shouldn’t have come as a shock. I first visited the gynecologist as a teen, and the doctor who first noticed my reproductive abnormalities told me I “might” experience some challenges when I was ready to get pregnant. But as a teenager who was years away from caring about such things – dreading them in fact – I paid little attention.

Even as an adult who didn’t marry until my mid 30s, I remained blissfully oblivious to the meaning of that early diagnosis. It wasn’t until a year of trying to conceive and three failed rounds of IVF that it started to sink in. Every round led to more tests and additional findings…a blocked fallopian tube, fibroids, prematurely aging ovaries. And finally, those words.

I left the fertility clinic, called my husband and cried.

I realized that pregnancy – something that I’d always taken for granted – probably wasn’t in the cards for me. I was devastated. But as my head cleared, I tried to focus on the latter part of the conversation I’d had with the doctor. The part where he said, “You may want to consider surrogacy.”

After a long chat with my husband, we decided to investigate further. Throughout the IVF process, they’d managed to retrieve a number of eggs, which were fertilized, turned into embryos and frozen. In that sense, we had a head start on the process. The next step was finding someone to be our “oven.”

Our fertility doctor referred us to a well regarded attorney who built her practice around reproductive law and matching surrogates with intended parents. One thing became immediately clear: it was a complex and expensive process. This was not some furtive, back room exchange….this was a rigorous procedure involving interviews, background checks, social workers, medical screenings, insurance and a lengthy legal contract. But if we were willing to push past the fear – of the process, and of the unfortunate stigma that still accompanies surrogacy – it would give us a chance to have a baby that was genetically ours. So we pressed on.

We were lucky to be matched almost immediately with a woman from Idaho that was responsible, sensitive and exceptionally kind. We met our surrogate in person for the first time about a half hour prior to the embryo transfer. We met her for the second time when we flew to her hometown for an ultrasound appointment. In between there were countless phone calls and emails. And then, one night we got the call we’d been waiting for.

We got on a flight as fast as we could but missed the birth of our daughter by about 45 minutes. My heart was beating fast when they wheeled our daughter into the hospital room. Flustered and overwhelmed, I looked at our surrogate and said, “Can I hold her?” Without missing a beat, she said, “Of course, she’s your baby.” 48 hours later, we boarded a plane and took our baby home.

That wasn’t the end.

The funny thing about surrogacy is that every state has different laws governing the process. When a child is born in the state of New Jersey, for example, genetics determine the birth parents regardless of who carries the baby. But the state of Idaho, where our baby was born, recognizes the mother as the person carrying the baby. So while my husband was recognized as our daughter’s rightful father, in order for me to be legally recognized as the mother I would have to “adopt” my own daughter.

First, our surrogate had to terminate her parental rights. Upon receiving that paperwork, I proceeded with a step-parent adoption. While relatively painless, it felt strange to have to adopt this little person that I’d cared for nonstop since birth. Finally, two days before our daughter’s first birthday, I was legally recognized as her mother. I felt relief knowing that no one could ever take her away from me. But I didn’t need a piece of paper to tell me that I was her mom. Like my own mother said when I was considering going through this whole process in the first place, “When that baby arrives, it’s not going to matter how you became a mom.”

She was right.

Kathy Casciani is a consumer PR/digital marketing professional who spent seven years in New York City before returning to the west coast and settling in Southern California with her family in 2010. Her daughter will celebrate her second birthday this summer. Kathy can also be found on Twitter at @KathyCash.

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Every baby has their favorite position. I put her in her favorite position: facing out from my akimbo left arm, her limbs splayed, her head pitched back and almost dangling off my arm. We walk around the house picking up junk from the floor and picking out her brother’s clothes for the morning. To be honest, she doesn’t pick up a damn thing, just sits in my arms, staring around, fluffy hair blowing in the air conditioning.We nurse and rock and burp and nurse and wipe and nurse and spit up and burp and rock.

Her eyes look at me seriously as I pick her up underneath her arms and make her dance around. “Fat man in a little coat,” I giggle. She doesn’t get the reference. I watch Necessary Roughnessand fall asleep with her.

Someone needs a manicure

At 2:00 we walk up the stairs; I make a giant step to avoid the creakiest stair. She is asleep, doesn’t even twitch an eye, and I lay her down. Squawk! Squawk! she says, Pick me up! So I do. We move back and forth swaying in her little nursery next to the drapes I sewed, the pillows I made, the picture I painted, and the clothes I haven’t put away. I eye the leftover fabric that will someday be the bed skirt. Baby Lulu doesn’t look like she’s going to sleep this time, even though I’m pretty good at the Go-To-Sleep-Sway. We pose for pictures.

100% Authentic Under-eye Bags

The post Up All Night with Baby appeared first on TodaysMama.

Are you still holding onto summer for all that it’s worth?  So is Coolplayground Mommy. ”Unlike most parents, I’m not ready for our eight year old to start school. After all, it’s still summer and we’ve got the 100+  degree weather to prove it!”  She shares over at Dallas Mama that she’s not ready to send her little ones back to school. How do you feel about summer drawing to a close?

The post Summer Can’t Be Over! appeared first on TodaysMama.

I had my third baby, our first girl, three weeks ago.

I’d heard from so many people that the third baby is when things really start to go nuts around the house. You know the stories: man-on-man defense to zone; rubber meeting road; three is the hardest. I tried to mentally prepare myself for how it would be with a newborn, a 4-year-old, and a 7-year-old. I told plenty of people that I hoped that because my older kids were older (as opposed to 3 or under,) they’d take it better.

On the morning that we came home from the hospital there was a moment when I realized that you are never prepared for this kind of upheaval. Don’t get me wrong, the boys seemed to handle their new baby sister wonderfully. They truly like her: holding her, kissing her, showing her their artistic creations. But they still were the same loud, active, needy kids they were before.

Just because you have a newborn who nursed every hour of the wee small hours, doesn’t mean your 4-year-old can pour the new milk gallon himself at breakfast. Just because the 7-year-old wants to hold his sister constantly doesn’t mean that he’s not prone to new, overly-dramatic fits, lying, and general emotional distress. And just because you have a baby doesn’t mean that the older kids will fight, run, or yell less. They try to keep it down, and are good when you remind them, but sheesh, I am reminding a lot. A LOT.

It’s rare to have such a clear opportunity in your life to stretch and grow. You do not have a choice–you have obligations to your children to be a good mother even when it’s hard. It’s time to grow more. I could and can feel myself stretching to meet their needs and push past my own limitations. Is the transition from two to three kids hard? Absolutely. This may be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but there isn’t an acceptable alternative. I have to figure out how to juggle their every day needs with the demands of a new human. I have to remember to not be mean in the mornings when I’m a wreck. I have to remember to feed them, clean their faces, recall when they last bathed, recall when I last bathed.

We’re still in the thick of things, so I would love to hear your words of advice. How did those of you with three plus manage the transition? Do you have your system all worked out? It gets better soon, right?

The post A Third Child? Time to Step it Up! appeared first on TodaysMama.

I went to a parenting talk a year ago and what I came away with from it was this  – if our ‘cup’ is empty (ie we are not filling ourselves up with the things we need to be happy), then we have nothing to spill out and give to those around us. We need to keep filling our own cup to be able to pour out into everyone else’s.

Since adding a third child to the mix, my cup has definitely been empty (more like a stone dry well actually!) and I keep going back to what I heard in the course…that I need to fill my cup. I need to carve out time for feeding my soul. This doesn’t need to be a huge amount of time on a weekly basis (that would be nice, but lets be realistic!), it could be a 10 minute meditation each day, it could be a long hot bubble bath once a week, it could be a monthly afternoon out with a friend. I love to be creative, and my natural high comes from making something out of nothing with my own two hands (and perhaps the help of a sewing machine!), so for me – I want to make time to pursue my creative fantasies (fixing holes in children’s pants does.not.count) – to do what I love for the sake of just doing it because I LOVE IT! Whether you love sewing, gardening, cooking, shopping…you know what feed your soul and I’m telling you – you need to make time for it!

To follow through with my wild notions of nurturing myself I need an actual plan to do this. I must choose and work to carve out the time – otherwise sneaky old regular life gets in the way of cup filling efforts. Luckily, my husband is on board with this plan (perhaps in the hopes I’ll become less cranky) – if you have small children at home all day every day then you need to enlist the support of someone to give you some alone time. Or, during school or nap times, wedge some cup-filling in there for you instead of cramming work/cleaning/cooking/washing into every free minute. Shiny happy mama = shiny happy family (you know it’s true)!

Most days I’m not even sure what day it is, so I’ve made a pretty little reminder clipboard for my nurturing plans. It’s propped up against my mirror where I’ll see it every day, and I can make a date/plans with myself on a slip of paper and keep it on the board for that week. Each week I will find the time to do one nice thing with myself – and once done I can switch the paper out with my following weeks plan. You can make one too! Yeah! Lets make 2011 the year where our cups are full, our families enjoy the splashings and we truly love and care for ourselves…wishing you all good things for this new year!

Emily

Nurture time reminder clipboard project

Supplies:

Mini clipboard (office supply stores carry these)

Acrylic paint & foam brush

Paper (think scrapbook, gift-wrap, hand-made, magazine pages)

Mod podge/gel medium (or any white glue)

Ribbon or lace

Stickers, tags, fun things to embellish with.

Steps:

Cover all or part of the clipboard with your papers. You can make a collage of papers, or use one special piece. Paint the glue onto the clipboard to stick the paper down on, and then coat the paper in another layer of your glue.

Once the paper is dry, paint the remaining portion of the clipboard with 2-3 layers of acrylic paint (I simply lifted the metal clip to paint underneath it).

Add a strip of ribbon or lace using the glue.

Choose a word such as ‘nurture’, ‘nourish’, ‘breathe’, ‘my time’ to serve as a reminder to yourself!

Decorate the clipboard with any stickers or other fun things to make it your happy place.

*on the back of the clipboard I glued a library pocket to hold ‘ideas’ – then each week I can choose an idea from the pocket, and add to it as I feel inspired.

Some simple and (mostly!) inexpensive nurturing ideas:

Have a bubble bath

Read a magazine in bed

Take a solo trip to the library

Play with some watercolour paints

Visit a garden

Treat yourself to a nutritious meal at a favorite cafe

Download a meditation online, lay down and relaxxxx

Lay outside on a blanket and watch the clouds

Attend a class that you’ve always been meaning to try

Write a list of things you are grateful for

Receive a massage

Doodle with crayons

Sit in a park and people watch

Visit a museum or art gallery

Go for an indoor swim

Read a chapter of a book

Plan a girls night with some friends – organize and send invites

Have a home facial

Go for a walk and take photos of things you see

Take a self portrait

Create a visual soul collage from magazine pictures

Organize your wardrobe

Burn oils and listen to music

Write a card/letter to a friend

Plant something in your garden or in a pot

Phone your best friend for a chat

Write some goals in your journal

Try a new recipe

Set your timer for half an hour of crafty time

Give yourself a hand massage & manicure

Take yourself out for coffee/hot chocolate

Make a cd of your favorite music for listening to in the car

More Ideas from Emily

A Year in Your Life

Felting Fun

No-Knit Scarves for Fall

The post Nurturing You: Clipboard Project appeared first on TodaysMama.

I didn’t mind. I was completely enamored with my sweet baby girl and had my hands full navigating the tricky juggle of parenting, working from home and trying to figure out when to blow dry my hair and/or cook dinner.

I bopped along, happy as a clam with my little nugget for a good long while. Date nights were few and far between…visits with my girlfriends were even less frequent. When I did make it out, I realized how rejuvenating it was to have a break.

In January 2010 someone had the genius idea to form a monthly dinner group. I am not exaggerating when I say that it is one of the most important parts of the month for me.

I look forward to seeing these four women each month. We laugh, we ask for advice, we  tell stories, we dodge a shot of root beer flavored vodka because dinner includes a pregnancy announcement, we scratch our heads as we make sense of exes, bosses and babies.

Five of us gather each month enjoy a leisurely dinner. We go to great lengths to schedule it on a night that everyone can attend and while we have the occasional missing member, we manage to get together every month.  Here is our system:

Rotating Location: Each month a different member of the group hosts dinner at their home. Everyone gets their fair share of driving, pre/post event cleaning, and husband/boyfriend hiding. (Okay, we don’t actually require or significant others to hide…they just do.)

My deck. Location of our July dinner.

Share the Cooking: The location host takes care of the main course/entree and then assigns additional items such as appetizers, wine, salad, and dessert.

Share the Cleaning: Duh. Friends don’t leave friends with a messy kitchen.

Schedule While Together: We try to grab our phones and pick the next night while we are all together, this is MUCH easier than trading a dozen emails over the course of a week to pick a date.

Schedule Busy Months Early: I hosted dinner in December. We nailed down the date in October…good thing, because the holidays are NUTS.

Share Your Favorites: I have had the opportunity to enjoy and discover a bunch of great dishes. Make the goal to share delicious food, not to try to anticipate what everyone will want.

Go Out Occasionally: Dining at home certainly has it’s perks. No hovering servers. No holds barred conversation. Comfortable surroundings. But sometimes it’s nice to head out and let someone else do the cooking.

When I became a mother I felt like I became a whole person. Spending time with these women helps nurture the part of myself that existed pre-baby, a part of me that, when given the chance to recharge and reconnect makes parenting all that much sweeter.

Gather your girls and start your own group. You’ll thank me.

The post How To: Get a Monthly Night Out with the Girls appeared first on TodaysMama.

General Preparations

Baby #1: The nursery was completely set up, 2 months before my due date.

Baby #2: The new nursery will be in my current office…where I’m currently sitting, working at my computer. The pack-n-play is set up in my bedroom, where the kiddo will sleep for the first few weeks anyway, so what’s the rush?

The Birth Plan

Baby #1: I read, pondered, carefully drafted my plan in ink, reviewed it with my Doctor and tucked it into my hospital bag.

Baby #2: At no time in my life have I felt more comfortable asserting my wishes than in the throes of labor. “Sure, I’ll have that epidural now” will be an easy declarative statement.

Me, in December. No way do you get to see a current photo!

Giving Birth

Baby #1: For months, I was wholly consumed with the fact that I was going to have to get a baby out of my body. I was scared. I thought I would feel awful after giving birth and was in no rush to get the labor party started.

Baby #2: YAHOO. Let’s get this kid out so I will feel better and can get back to moving around without grunting or having to sit down to catch my breath.

Packing for the Hospital

Baby #1: Everything that any book ever recommended for baby was packed. I pretty much forgot that I needed to pack for myself.

Baby #2: I’ve already got my toiletries packed, complete with my favorite travel sized exfoliating cleanser, hand lotion, and shampoo. My fluffy robe and jammie pants are ready to go. The baby is also packed, albeit with A LOT less unnecessary crap. Oh, and I packed nail clippers so I can take care of the baby’s fingernails right away…no using the file for the first 6 weeks for this mom.

Music

Baby #1: I created the perfect playlist of songs to listen to while I labored. I considered the flow of the songs, the meaningful lyrics, the soothing melodies.

Baby #2: Turns out that what I want during a contraction is SILENCE. I’ve got Angry Birds on my iPhone for between contractions.

Doctor Visits

Baby #1: Every appointment included a detailed and lengthly Q & A session.

Baby #2: My insurance changed on January 1st and I had to find a new doctor. I’m cool with that. The new Doctor is great and I’m sure she’s a pro. (Besides, the people that made the biggest difference with labor and delivery #1—the NURSES.) I’ve heard the nurses at this hospital are fantastic.

Motherhood

Baby #1: I worried I wouldn’t enjoy motherhood, that the day to day grind of caring for young children would bore or frustrate me.

Baby #2: Turns out, I really, really, REALLY, enjoy my kiddo and being a mom. I can’t wait to meet this next bundle of awesome and complete our family.

The post Second Pregnancy Differences appeared first on TodaysMama.

I have loved being a mom and watching my two boys develop passions for various hobbies. I’ve been most intrigued by those I thought were passing phases, but became a part of them. For example, 4 years ago, my then 6 year-old son announced he wanted to be a chef when he grew up. I attributed this to our many mom-and-son-cookie-baking activities topped only by his raging love of all things sweet. But this was no passing fancy. He has since been to cooking school, has his own cooking tools and recipe books, and continues to love all things cooking related!

As I talk with other moms, I find I’m not alone. In the mom community, kids and cooking is a hot topic and most moms have at least one child who loves to cook and bake along side with them. Popular themes among moms I’ve chatted with have focused on these topics:

• Healthy Cooking Tips
• How to Use Cooking as a Way to Teach Math
• How to Teach Kids Food Safety

3 Tips for Turning Cooking Into a Teaching Experience With Kids

Here’s a few quick tips my son, Chef Chase, has taught me about each of those topics.

1. Use creativity and curiosity to make healthy cooking fun! Instead of trying to sneak kids healthy foods, introduce products to them directly, but in clever ways.One night, I brought home salmon filets. Chase had always stuck his nose up at fish. I walked in the door, enthusiastically sharing with him that salmon was one of my favorite foods and I was so excited to share it with him.I arranged for a mom and son date with him where we made and ate the meal together. My other son and my husband were not invited (they went out on their own date!). We added some pineapple and red pepper salsa, included a small salad on the side, and planned a fabulous dessert. Ever since, we have called ourselves the salmon buddies. He requests it weekly!
2. Make up and conduct fun activities while baking. Our favorite cookies to bake during the holidays are peanut butter reindeer cookies. These require using all colors of chocolate-covered candies.To teach math (sorting), dump the contents of one bag of candy into one bowl and have several empty bowls in a row right by it. Then, instruct your kids to sort the candies, each in a different bowl.This is just one activity. The possibilities are endless when you think of what you can do with measuring cups (fractions), food items (shapes), doubling and tripling recipes (addition), etc.

   

3. Make a game out of cleaning. Chores are much more appealing when there is a game and incentive involved

At our house, we do everything in steps. We have taught our boys that food safety is the first step to becoming great chefs.  They know that no matter how excited they are to pull out all of the ingredients and get started, all work surfaces must be cleaned and sanitized before and after cooking. This step will help stop the spread of germs like salmonella and E. coli and is so quick and easy for me thanks to those handy Lysol wipes.  And when you have an eager little audience – time is of the essence!

With so much cooking and cleaning going on at my house it’s great to know that now it’s even easier for me to help stop the spread of germs at home, because right now Lysol is offering Buy 1 Get 1 Free packs of LYSOL Disinfecting Wipes and Lysol Dual Action Disinfecting Wipes at major retailers nationwide through January 2011. Keep one pack at home for prep and clean-up of your culinary creations and you can even give one canister of wipes to your child’s teacher to help keep the classroom germ free too!

Ok, once the kitchen is spic and span – let the culinary fun begin!

I am so happy that cooking has not been a passing phase for my son because as a result he is a much healthier eater.  He is trying new foods and learning skills and that will benefit him throughout his life.  For me the real joy of cooking has been playing, learning, and spending time together… and watching my kids eat salmon!

It was my pleasure to have written this post in support of Lysol’s Mission for Health Community Heroes Contest which recognizing moms who do more for health in their communities by awarding a total of $10,000 in prizes to be donated towards local community organizations. To enter, share videos, photos or stories about how you made a difference in your community at Lysol.com.  Contest entries will be judged based on both relevance to improving the health of your community, and the possible impact of your community improvement effort.

The post Kids Cooking: Strengthening Relationships and Growing Skills appeared first on TodaysMama.

Here are a few favorites that I must share:

Fashion & Beauty Finds:

This question is right up my alley!  Definitely the Moroccan Oil Treatment and Shampoo/Condition.  I’ve been doing hair for a decade now and have never seen anything like it, nor have I been this excited about a product and its results.

Pop-Culture Finds:

My favorite “pop-culture” finds…hard to narrow it down…..Tom’s shoes ultimate peep toe wedge, jeggings, Twilight Woods scented lotion at Bath and Body Works, Glee, and the return of sequins, grunge, and everything 80’s.

Favorite from 2010:

Song: Cooler Than Me, Mike Posner

Album: Santigold, Shove It

TV Show: Glee – dah!?!  I’m a total “Gleek”

Movie: Burlesque

Book: The Help by Kathryn Stockett

iPhone App: Angry Birds….does that count as an app?  Okay then, Pandora.

YouTube Video: Teach Me How to Dougie, because every mommy needs to be ready to get her “dougie” on at a moments notice.  It’s called being prepared.

Eye Candy: Ruche

Blogging in 2010:

What great blogs did you discover this year?

Dear Golden, Pretty Shiny Sparkly, The Button Owl, Silver Lining.

Who are your favorite bloggers, year after year?

Pioneer Woman, Nie Nie, The Satorialist.

Favorite post of 2010 (your own):

Kitsch Style Makeover with Tanya.  I loved the relationship I built with Tanya.  I loved seeing her empowered and confidant.  Look forward to more Style Makeovers this year on my blog.  The experience is amazing.

Favorite photo of 2010 (your own):

My family Christmas picture.  I love seeing my family happy and clean.  Those two rarely come as a pair in a house full of boys.

Real life…

What did you kick to the curb this year?

My fat jeans. Finally.

What/who did you realize you are particularly grateful for?

My job.  It brings me so much satisfaction and keeps my doing what I truly love, creating.

What did you do this year that you’re really proud of?

Finally started my fashion blog! I have been toying with the idea for years now and finally made the time to do it.  It has been so rewarding.

What word sums up 2010 for you?

Climb

What would you have done differently in 2010?

Asked for help.

What did your kids teach you this year?

How to love.  No one loves you like your children and your mother.  My kids give me more love than I deserve.

What are you looking forward to most in 2011?

New hope, new goals, new adventures.

What is your #1 goal for 2011?

Balance!!!

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