I can’t remember all the speeches at my commencement ceremony. But I do remember looking up on the stage to see my best friend, the valedictorian of our class, sitting there among all the luminaries, and wondering how in the world she did that when English was her second language. It still blows me away.

Commencement addresses contain wisdom and inspiration for all of life’s transitions, and for a manic-depressive, that’s pretty much every day. So I’ve plucked the very best sound bites from famous speakers like Oprah Winfrey, Desmond Tutu, Jon Stewart, and the other names people like to drop at cocktail parties to help us forge ahead on our spiritual journeys, remember our dreams, and to find hope, purpose, and peace in our lives.

Oprah Winfrey: Transform Your Wounds into Wisdom

Turn your wounds into wisdom. You will be wounded many times in your life. You’ll make mistakes. Some people will call them failures but I have learned that failure is really God’s way of saying, “Excuse me, you’re moving in the wrong direction.” It’s just an experience, just an experience.

–Wellesley College commencement, 1997

Elie Wiesel: What Are You Waiting For?

My good friends, we are all waiting. We are waiting, if not for the Messiah, as such, we are waiting for the messianic moment. And the messianic moment is what each and every one of us tries to build, meaning a certain area of humanity that links us to all those who are human and, therefore, desperately trying to fight despair as humanly as possible and–I hope–with some measure of success.

–DePaul University commencement, 1997

Jon Stewart: The Right Path

How do you know what is the right path to choose to get the result that you desire? The honest answer is this: You won’t. And accepting that greatly eases the anxiety of your life experience.

–The College of William and Mary commencement, 2004

Margaret Atwood: You Always Have a Choice

When faced with the inevitable, you always have a choice…. As I learned during my liberal arts education, any symbol can have, in the imaginative context, two versions, a positive and a negative. If you spill your milk, you’re left with a glass which is either half empty or half full…. You may not be able to alter reality, but you can alter your attitude towards it, and this, paradoxically, alters reality. Try it and see.

–The University of Toronto commencement, 1983

Toni Morrison: You Are Your Own Stories

You are your own stories and therefore free to imagine and experience what it means to be human…. And although you don’t have complete control over the narrative (no author does, I can tell you), you could nevertheless create it…. So, from my point of view, which is that of a storyteller, I see your life as already artful, waiting, just waiting and ready for you to make it art.

–Wellesley College commencement, 2004

The Dalai Lama: The Importance of Patience

It is important to have determination and optimism and patience. If you lack patience, even when you face some small obstacle, you lose courage. There is a Tibetan saying, “Even if you have failed at something nine times, you have still given it effort nine times.” I think that’s important. Use your brain to analyze the situation. Do not rush through it, but think. Once you decide what to do about that obstacle, then there’s a possibility that you will achieve your goal.

–Emory University commencement, 1998

Desmond Tutu: Spread Your Eagle Wings

And God says to all of us, you are no chicken; you are an eagle. Fly, eagle, fly. And God wants us to shake ourselves, spread our pinions, and then lift off and soar and rise, and rise toward the confident and the good and the beautiful. Rise towards the compassionate and the gentle and the caring. Rise to become what God intends us to be–eagles, not chickens.

–Brandeis University commencement, 2000

Tony Snow: The Power of Love and Prayer

Never underestimate the power of other people’s love and prayer. When you put someone else at the center of your frame, the entire world changes for you.

–Catholic University commencement, 2007

Therese J. Borchard writes the daily Beliefnet.com blog Beyond Blue. Her memoir “Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes” is just out, followed by a handsome book of therapy notes called “The Pocket Therapist” in April 2010. Subscribe to Beyond Blue here or visit her at www.ThereseBorchard.com.

New York Times reporter Benedict Carey referred to tears in a recent piece as “emotional perspiration.” Given that I sweat a lot and hate deodorant, I suppose it makes sense that I weep often. But I’m not going to apologize for that, because after a good cry, I always feel cleansed, like my heart and mind just rubbed each other’s backs in a warm bath.

In his intriguing article, “The Miracle of Tears” (answersingenesis.com), from which I’ve lifted some of the research for this post, author Jerry Bergman writes: “Tears are just one of many miracles which work so well that we taken them for granted every day.” Here, then, are seven ways tears and the phenomenon we call “crying” heal us physiologically, psychologically, and spiritually.

1. Tears help us see.
Starting with the most basic function of tears, they enable us to see. Literally. Tears not only lubricate our eyeballs and eyelids, they also prevent dehydration of our various mucous membranes. No lubrication, no eyesight. Writes Bergman: “Without tears, life would be drastically different for humans–in the short run enormously uncomfortable, and in the long run eyesight would be blocked out altogether.”

2. Tears kill bacteria.
No need for Clorox wipes. We’ve got tears! Our own antibacterial and antiviral agent working for us, fighting off all the germs we pick up on community computers, shopping carts, public sinks, and all those places the nasty little guys make their homes and procreate. Tears contain lysozyme, a fluid that the germ-a-phobic dreams about in her sleep, because it can kill 90 to 95 percent of all bacteria in just five to 10 minutes! Which translates, I’m guessing, to three months’ worth of colds and stomach viruses.

3. Tears remove toxins.
Biochemist William Frey, who has been researching tears for as long as I’ve been searching for sanity, found in one study that emotional tears–those formed in distress or grief–contained more toxic byproducts than tears of irritation (think onion peeling). Are tears toxic then? No! They actually remove toxins from our body that build up courtesy of stress. They are like a natural therapy or massage session, but they cost a lot less!

4. Crying can elevate mood.
Do you know what your manganese level is? No, neither do I. But chances are that you will feel better if it’s lower because overexposure to manganese can cause bad stuff: anxiety, nervousness, irritability, fatigue, aggression, emotional disturbance and the rest of the feelings that live inside my happy head rent-free. The act of crying can lower a person’s manganese level. And just like with the toxins I mentioned in my last point, emotional tears contain 24 percent higher albumin protein concentration–responsible for transporting many small molecules (which has to be a good thing, right?)–than irritation tears.

5. Crying lowers stress.
Tears really are like perspiration in that exercising and crying both relieve stress. For real. In his article, Bergman explains that tears remove some of the chemicals built up in the body from stress, like the endorphin leucine-enkaphalin and prolactin, the hormone I overproduce because of my pituitary tumor that affects my mood and stress tolerance. The opposite is true too. Bergman writes, “Suppressing tears increases stress levels, and contributes to diseases aggravated by stress, such as high blood pressure, heart problems, and peptic ulcers.

6. Tears build community.
In her “Science Digest” article, writer Ashley Montagu argued that crying not only contributes to good health, but it also builds community. I know what you’re thinking: “Well, yeah, but not the right kind of community. I mean, I might ask the woman bawling her eyes out behind me in church what’s wrong or if I can help her, but I’m certainly not going to invite her to dinner.” I beg to differ. As a prolific crier, especially on video, I always come away astounded by the comments … the resounding support of people I know all that well, and the level of intimacy exchanged among them. Read for yourselves some of the comments on both my self-esteem video and my recent death and dying video and you’ll appreciate my point. Tears help communication and foster community.

7. Tears release feelings.
Even if you haven’t just been through something traumatic or are severely depressed, the average Jo goes through his day accumulating conflicts and resentments. Sometimes they gather inside the limbic system of the brain and in certain corners of the heart. Crying is cathartic. It lets the devils out. Before they wreak all kind of havoc with the nervous and cardiovascular systems. Writes John Bradshaw in his bestseller “Home Coming”: “All these feelings need to be felt. We need to stomp and storm; to sob and cry; to perspire and tremble.” Amen, Brother Bradford!

Early in my pregnancy, Rachael gave me some great advice: Let go of your expectations.  She went on to elaborate that it’s easy to build up an idea of what the perfect pregnancy/labor/birth will be like, that it’s easy to get REALLY attached to that ideal…so much so, that making changes to your plan can seem like a huge disappointment.

So, with that in mind, I planned on a natural birth in a hospital.  But I stayed flexible.

I was all sorts of in tune with the idea that birth is a natural part of life and that my body could do what it was meant to, but I’m not going to lie, I spent a lot of time being fairly overwhelmed by the idea that a whole human was going to come out of my body.  Not to mention the fact that I (6’) and my husband (6’ 7”) were warned by my doctor that our baby could easily be 10 or 11 pounds.

When I was in my first trimester, I read an article in Outside Magazine that discussed the fact that people react to pain based on the severity of pain they have previously experienced. The article mentioned (I’m paraphrasing) that, you’re more likely to be able to handle a broken back if you’ve given birth without the aid of pain relief.

Um….what?

As someone who had never had so much as a cut that required stitches, let alone a broken bone, I felt like there was a good chance that I’m a total pansy and I just didn’t know it. Yet.

Fast forward to the day before my daughter’s birth.

It’s Sunday and I’ve be having contractions since Thursday afternoon. Every 7-9 minutes.  Annoyingly, the contractions stop when I go to bed. But when I get up on Sunday, my contractions don’t seem to release…you know, your belly tightens and then releases when the contraction ends. I’m enjoying a day of perpetual tight belly. I call my doctor. He tells me to head the hospital to “get checked”. Damn him.

We arrive at 2:30 P.M. and the nurse does her thing and tells us that I’m dilated to a 3 and that we should walk the halls for an hour. In retrospect I wish I would have said, “Hey, no thanks.” and returned home, but like a rookie…I walked. For an hour.

I was certain that I must be on the verge of giving birth. Nope. No progress.  The nurse told us to go home and not to come back until my contractions were 2 minutes apart for two hours.

We drove home, incredibly disappointed.

At 2:30 A.M. Monday, I woke up with contractions that were two minutes apart. So I headed out to the couch to start timing them. (Sidenote: in your 3rd trimester, start setting the DVR to record old episodes of Friends, or whatever strikes your fancy, I spent TWO HOURS watching stupid infomercials while I timed my contractions. Lame.)
After two fabulous hours, I woke up my husband. (Sidenote: give your husband a bit more notice so he can take a shower, or have a snack or enjoy the benefit of advanced notice so he doesn’t feel compelled to flail about as you rush out of the house.)

We arrived at the hospital around 5:00 A.M.  I had to pause several times in the parking lot while I waited for the blinding pain from the contraction to pass. When I arrived and the nursed checked me again, I prayed to high heaven that I had at least progressed to a 4. Her answer, “you’re a 7, on your way to an 8”.  Yahoo!

As the nursed checked us in and handed us off to our Labor and Delivery nurse, I was asked to confirm several times that I would like to have a natural birth.  Yes, that was the goal, but I’d see how everything went.

As I’m powering through my increasingly intense contractions, I’m given a clipboard full of admittance papers to sign.  I’m also asked if it would be okay to break my water. I agree to having my water broken and I begin to scan the paperwork.

The first sheet is the epidural waiver, our wonderful L&D nurse lets me know that it’s just in case I decide at the last minute I want one. No problem.  I make some glib comment to my husband about signing it for no reason.  I mean, HELLO, I’m already to an 8. There’s no stopping me now.

A few sheets of paperwork later, my water is broken.  By the time I get to the very last sheet, I experience my first post-broken-water contraction. I inform everyone in the room that there is no way in hell I’m going to experience that again and could you pretty please with sugar on top get me an epidural in the next 90 seconds.

I get my epidural.

I’m told to try and rest at which point I enjoy the most restful 2-hours of sleep I’ve had since I got pregnant. I wake up, my nurse gets the lay of the land, let’s me know that I’m ready to give birth.

I pushed through 3 contractions and our girl arrived.  All 9 pounds and 14 ounces of her.

I got the best birth I could have hoped for – a healthy babe and a happy mom.

That’s Rachael, holding my babe on the day of her birth.

I know what you’re thinking: another cheesy, goody-two-shoes article on how I can keep all those goals I’ve set going into 2010. If you abhor such articles (like 10 ways to de-clutter your bathroom), then keep on reading. I’m like you. Normal.

1. Bribe yourself.

A so-called parenting expert that I read last week claimed that bribing your kid to get him to do something was an example of irresponsible and ineffective parenting. I suspect that the same man sits in his quiet and tidy little office cranking out advice like that while either his wife or nanny is home changing diapers and doling out time-outs. Let’s face it. Bribing is one of the most effective tools to get anyone–your kid, your stubborn mother, your golden retriever, or yourself–to do something.

My running coach used this brilliant method to train me to run 18 miles. Before our run, he hid Jolly Ranchers along our route, every two miles, so he’d say to me when I wanted to stop, “In another half-mile, you get a treat! Come, you can do it!” And like a rat spotting a half-eaten hotdog, I’d run to the candy. You want to make sure you stick to your resolution? Bribe yourself along the road there: at the one-forth mark, one-half mark, and three-quarters mark.

2. Team up.

Think of the buddy system from Boy Scouts. Teaming up with someone means that you have to be accountable. You have to report to someone. Which brings down your percentage of cheating by 60 percent, or something like that. Especially if you’re a people-pleaser like me. You want to be good, and get an A, so make sure someone is passing out such reviews.

Also, there is power in numbers, which is why the pairing system is used in many different capacities today: in the workplace, to insure quality control and promote better morale; in twelve-step groups to foster support and mentorship; in exercise programs to get your butt outside on a dark, wintry morning when you’d rather enjoy coffee and sweet rolls with your walking partner.

3. Throw in a gimme.

This is to ensure on December 31 of next year, you will have succeeded at one goal. So make it an easy one: “Throw out my Christmas sweater with a sequenced reindeer,” “Pitch my golf-ball socks with two huge holes in the toes,” “Give away my Yanni CDs,” “Frame the family photo I had taken two summers ago.” You see where I’m going with this one? Heck, if you list a bunch of gimmes, then you’ll feel even better about yourself come next December.

4. Allow some backtracking.

I think most of us say “to hell with it,” around the third week in January because it takes that long for the brain to realize it is going to need a motherload of discipline to keep the resolution, and our goal isn’t so newish and cool anymore. Like last May, when I decided to eat according to the “Skinny Bitch” diet. I consumed hummus and celery for three weeks straight, feeling fantastic every time I fastened my loose jeans. Then I got really stick of hummus and celery … so sick of them that I still can’t eat them to this day.

We need to go in to our resolution knowing that we are very likely going to mess up in a few weeks, or maybe days, and that’s okay, because for every two steps backwards we make another half-step forward. Technically, then, we can categorize it as “progress.” Moreover, if we lose our black and white thinking, and adjust our vision to see more colors– situations and events in which we can’t just eat celery and hummus– then we’ll be able to hang onto to our resolutions until February, and maybe even June!

5. Wear some resolution bling.

Let me explain this one. It has something to do with my obsessive-compulsive self, and being raised by a lot of nuns who held a lot of rosaries and holy water and other faith objects. I need reminders–ideally 234 of them–to refresh me on goals, promises, and prayers I promised myself or recited in the morning with my coffee. And because tattoos are expensive and well, permanent, I go with jewelry, medals, and beads I can hang on to.

So, for example, my resolution this year is to worry less and trust God more, especially financially: to be a little more relaxed, in general, and to try to let the big guy upstairs deal with it before I take it from him, throwing a hissy fit. This is essentially the Serenity Prayer: to accept the things I can’t change, and to know the difference between the things that I can’t change and the things I can. So I wear a serenity prayer bracelet, each bead symbolizing part of the prayer. My key chain holds a large cross with the serenity prayer engraved on it, and it makes a jingling sound as I drive, to remind me that the pea-brained fellow in front of me who won’t let me around him is one thing I can’t change.

*****

Therese J. Borchard writes the daily Beliefnet.com blog Beyond Blue. Her memoir “Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes” is just out, followed by a handsome book of therapy notes called “The Pocket Therapist” in April 2010. Subscribe to Beyond Blue here or visit her at www.ThereseBorchard.com.



As much as we promise ourselves we won’t over-indulge during the holidays (cue inner voice: “this time I really, really mean it!”), most of us are guilty of a bit of seasonal gluttony. Instead of berating yourself for succumbing again, take a more positive approach. Be thankful for what you are able to enjoy and balance your indulgences with the following rejuvenating practices. You might even consider making these the basis of a new family routine. Keep yourselves healthier by helping your body flush out the environmental contaminants you are exposed to every day.

• Sweat it out. At least three times a week (but ideally every day), work up a good sweat. Exercise is the healthiest thing you can do for your body for a variety of reasons, and when sweat comes out, toxins do too. No need to get a gym membership, make it simple family fun by taking a vigorous hike or bike ride together.
• Flush it out. Drink plenty of water every day, especially before, during, and after exercising (drop in a wedge of lemon for added benefits). Eat cruciferous vegetables (like broccoli, cauliflower, and cabbage) and high fiber foods to keep your systems flowing.
• Love your liver. Your liver is your body’s toxin filter. Keep it healthy by limiting alcohol, caffeine, refined sugars, saturated fats and medication. Look into herbs or supplements to support general liver health. (Talk to your physician before starting supplements or herbs).
• Relax. Your mental well-being is inherently connected to your overall health. Stress slows down detoxification, among other things. Keep family stress levels low, so all your body’s systems are in prime working condition, by taking time to cuddle and read with your kids, or by doing yoga and meditation together.
• Breathe deeply. Oxygen is essential to cleansing and feeding your body’s cells. Whenever you think of it throughout the day, take some deep cleansing breaths to oxygenate your body.
• Soothe. According to Diana Carswell at the Washington Post: “the body can efficiently expel toxins through the pores of the skin. To hasten this process, combine in a bath 1 cup of Epsom salts and 1 to 2 tablespoons of an essential oil, such as lemon, jojoba, rosemary or olive. The ingredients’ stimulating properties naturally draw toxins out. (Just be sure to test the oil first to make sure you’re not allergic by applying a small amount to the underside of your forearm.) Another option is to exfoliate the skin, which increases respiration and removes toxins. Combine 1/2 cup oatmeal, 1 tablespoon cornmeal and several drops almond oil with enough milk to form a paste. Apply by hand to the entire body (excluding the face) with gentle, circular motions. Rinse, then brush the skin using a loofah or sponge.”

Aaaaaahh…..These tips will not only help you detoxify your body, incorporating them into your daily life will also lead to greater overall health and happiness. Enjoy!

Note: While these tips are applicable to your entire family, more extreme detox diets are not intended for children or pregnant women.

This was originally posted at Healthy Child Healthy World. Read more from Janelle there, on Twitter, or on Facebook.

By Beth Howard, Babytalk

When it’s holiday and flu season, you need your energy more than ever — Santa can’t get sick! We come bearing good news: “New moms have an increased ability to withstand and fight infections through their powerful immune system during this time of life,” says Maureen Groer, Ph.D., professor of nursing at the University of South Florida College of Nursing in Tampa. The following tips can help you maintain your immunity edge throughout the season.

Keep your baby close.  Skin-to-skin contact or having her near you in a bassinet or co-sleeper raises your levels of the hormone prolactin, which increases immune function.

Be friendly.  No dinner party necessary, but social interaction — a moms’ group or a chat with a friend — helps you stay healthy, according to research published recently in Scientific American Mind.

Naps aren’t just for kids. Fatigue can sabotage immunity. Skip household duties (yes! you finally have an excuse) or enlist helpers so you can enjoy some much-needed shut-eye.

Lather up.  Frequent hand washing keeps germs at bay; it’s the easiest way to prevent a cold and the flu.

Rock out.  Listening to instrumental music can get you into a Zen state, while grooving to some up-tempo beats helps keep stress hormones in check. So, update your iPod with your favorite tunes.

Eat right. Some quick immunity-boosting snacks include yogurt (it has “good” bacteria that aid digestion), salmon and walnuts (which contain essential fatty acids), and berries (for their anti-oxidants).

We’ve officially entered the hard months, the “dark ages” as the midshipmen at the Naval Academy say: the time of the year when the sun disappears and the pale complexions of your friends remind you that you had better take your vitamins or else you’ll have a cold to go with your pasty look.

I dread winter each year because many of my depression busters require sunny skies and temperatures in the 70s. What does a girl who kayaks and bikes for sanity do in the winter? Lots of things. Here are a few of them:

1. Watch the sugar.

I think our body gets the cue just before Thanksgiving that it will be hibernating for a few months, so it needs to ingest everything edible in sight. And I’m convinced the snow somehow communicates to the human brain the need to consume every kind of chocolate available in the house. We are mammals, yes, so do we think we need an extra layer of fat in the winter to keep us warm? I’m starting to think so.

Depressives and addicts need to be especially careful with sweets because the addiction to sugar and white-flour products is very real and physiological, affecting the same biochemical systems in your body as other drugs like heroin. According to Kathleen DesMaisons, author of “Potatoes Not Prozac“: Your relationship to sweet things is operating on a cellular level. It is more powerful than you have realized….What you eat can have a huge effect on how you feel.”

2. Stock up on Omega-3’s.

During the winter I’m religious about stocking in my medicine cabinet a Noah’s Ark supply of Omega-3 capsules because leading physicians at Harvard Medical School confirmed the positive effects of this natural, anti-inflammatory molecule on emotional health. I treat my brain like royalty–hoping that it will be kind to me in return–so I fork over about $30 a month for the Mac Daddy of the Omega-3s, capsules that contain 70 percent EPA (Eicosapentaenoic acid). One 500mg softgel capsule meets the doctor-formulated 7:1 EPA to DHA ratio, needed to elevate and stabilize mood.

3. Give back.

Ghandi once wrote that “the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” Positive psychologists like University of Pennsylvania’s Martin Seligman and Dan Baker, Ph.D., director of the Life Enhancement Program at Canyon Ranch, believe that a sense of purpose–committing oneself to a noble mission–and acts of altruism are strong antidotes to depression.

The winter months are a good time to do this because the need is greater, the holiday spirit ideally lasts until February, and you don’t have the excuse of attending family picnics, unless you live in California or Florida.

4. Join the gym.

Don’t let the cold weather be an excuse not to sweat. We have centers today called “gyms” where people exercise inside! Granted, it’s not the same–watching the news or listening to the soundtrack from “Rocky” as you run in place as opposed to jogging along wooded paths with a view of the bay. But you accomplish the goal: a heart rate over 140 beats a minute.

The gym is also a kind of support group for me. These women, I’m guessing, are going after the endorphin buzz just like me because alcohol and recreational drugs don’t do the trick anymore. And, like moi, I suspect that they also have great difficulty meditating. Every time they close their eyes, they have visions of screaming kids, Chuck E. Cheese hell, and the crisis of no thank-you gifts for teachers.

5. Use a light lamp.

Bright-light therapy–involving sitting in front of a fluorescent light box that delivers an intensity of 10,000 lux–can be as effect as antidepressant medication for mild and moderate depression and can yield substantial relief for Seasonal Affective Disorder.

I usually turn on my mammoth HappyLite in November, just after my least favorite day of the year: when Daylight Saving Time ends and we “fall back” an hour, which means that I have about an hour of sunlight to enjoy after I pick up the kids from school.

6. Wear bright colors.

I have no research supporting this theory, but I’m quite convinced there is a link between feeling optimistic and sporting bright colors. It’s in line with “faking it ’til you make it,” desperate attempts to trick your brain into thinking that it’s sunny and beautiful outside–time to celebrate Spring!–even though it’s a blizzard with sleet causing some major traffic jams.

Personally, I tend to wear black everyday in the winter. It’s supposed to make you look thinner. But the result is that I appear as if and feel like I’m going to a funeral every afternoon between the months of November and March. This isn’t good. Not for a person hardwired to stress and worry and get depressed when it’s cold. So I make a conscious effort to wear bright green, purple, blue, and pink, and sometimes–if I’m in a rush–all of them together!

7. Force yourself outside.

I realize that the last thing you want to do when it’s 20 degrees outside and the roads are slushy is to head outside for a leisurely stroll around the neighborhood. It’s much more fun to cuddle up with a good novel or make chocolate chip cookies and enjoy them with a hot cup of Jo.

On many winter days–especially in late January and early February when my brain is done with the darkness–I have to literally force myself outside, however brief. Because even on cloudy and overcast days, your mood can benefit from exposure to sunlight. Midday light, especially, provides Vitamin D to help boost your limbic system, the emotional center of the brain. And there is something so healing about connecting with nature, even if it’s covered in snow.

8. Hang out with friends.

This seems like an obvious depression buster. Of course you get together with your buddies when your mood starts to go south. But that’s exactly when many of us tend to isolate. I believe that it takes a village to keep a person sane and happy. That’s why we need so many support groups today. People need to be validated and encouraged and inspired by persons on the same journey.

And with all the technology today, folks don’t even have to throw on their slippers to get to a support group. Online communities provide a village of friendship right at your computer. Every day I read comments like this one from Beyond Blue member Margaret: “Membership in this club to which we all unwillingly belong isn’t something I would wish on anyone; nonetheless, reading how others have survived specific circumstances has given me hope where I’d lost sight of it and inspired me to keep on keepin’ on even when my feet feel as if they’re encased in buckets of cement and will pull me under the stagnant water in the bottom of the pit.”

9. Head south.

Granted, this solution isn’t free, especially if you live in Maine. But you need not travel like the Kennedys to transplant your body and mind to a sunny spot for a few days. I try to schedule our yearly vacation the last week of January or the first week of February so that it breaks up the winter and so that I have something to look forward to in those depressing weeks following the holidays.

10. Take up a project.

There’s no time like winter to start a home project, like de-cluttering the house or purging all the old clothes in your kids’ closets. When a friend of mine was going through a tough time, she painted her entire house–every room downstairs with two different colors. And it looked professional! Not only did it help distract her from her problems, but it provided her with a sense of accomplishment that she desperately needed those months, something to feel good about as she saw other things crumble around her. Projects like organizing bookshelves, shredding old tax returns, and cleaning out the garage are perfect activities for the dreary months of the year. And hey, most of them are free!

11. Challenge yourself.

My mood can often be lifted by meeting a new challenge–an activity that is formidable enough to keep my attention, but easy enough to do when my brain is muddied. Learning how to record and edit video blogs, for this girl who hates technology, turned out to be great fun. Friends of mine get the same boost by joining Jenny Craig and losing the 25 pounds of baby fat, or exploring a new hobby–like scrapbooking. I try to stretch myself in a small way every winter–whether it be taking a writing class, researching the genetics of mood disorders, or trying to build myself a website. It keeps my brain from freezing, like the rest of my body.

12. Light a candle.

If I counted up all the minutes I’ve spent staring into a flame, I wonder how many years of my life that would be. Certainly more than the hours I’ve spent brushing my teeth or combing my hair. It would probably even surpass the combination of bath and shower time.

For some reason I assume God hears me better if I stick my face in a hot glowing body of flame. The scarlet blaze generates a feeling of hope, of fierce tenacity, that whispers: “you’re not off the hook yet…hang in there.”

*****

Therese J. Borchard writes the daily Beliefnet.com blog Beyond Blue. Her memoir “Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes” will be released in January of 2010. Subscribe to Beyond Blue here or visit her at www.ThereseBorchard.com.

Guest Post from Jill Starishevsky:

Keeping your children safe from child predators sounds like a scary proposition, but it doesn’t have to be. We used to teach children about “stranger danger”, but studies have shown that most sexual abuse occurs at the hands of someone known to the child. He might seem like the friendliest teacher, neighbor, uncle or coach. Unfortunately, this person, who is always showing an interest in your child and working to develop trust, can sometimes be a child predator.

It is difficult for adults to recognize these people for who they really are, and of course, it is even more difficult for children. Just as we teach children about the dangers associated with crossing the street or going near a hot oven, we must talk to them about recognizing and avoiding threatening encounters with child predators.

I have a short list of “tips” that have helped me talk to my children about safety. Here are some suggestions:

1. No secrets. Period.

Encourage your children to tell you about things that happen to them that make them feel scared, sad or uncomfortable. If children have an open line of communication, they will be more inclined to alert you to something suspicious before it becomes a problem. The way I effectuate this rule is as follows: If someone, even a grandparent, were to say something to my child such as “I’ll get you an ice cream later, but it will be our secret”, I firmly, but politely say “We don’t do secrets in our family.” Then I say to my child “Right? We don’t do secrets. We can tell each other everything.”

2. Don’t dress children in clothing or accessories with their name on it.

Customized clothing breeds familiarity, which can create a false sense of trust. If a stranger comes up to your child and says “Jenny, your Mom told me to bring you home so you can have dinner”, your child may be more inclined to go along because this person knows their name.

3. Teach your child the correct terms for their body parts.

This will make them more at ease if they need to tell you about a touch that made them feel uncomfortable.

4. Practice “what if” scenarios.

Say to your child, “What would you do if someone offered you a treat, or a gift when I wasn’t there?” Help your child arrive at the right answer, which is to say no, and ask you first. Many parents also encourage children to walk or run away in this situation.

5. Teach your child their name, address and phone number at an early age.

Start teaching children at an early age their name, address and phone number. When young children are separated from their parents, even for a short time, they are potential targets for child predators. If a child has their parent’s cell phone number, the child can be reunited with the parent more expeditiously.

6. Prepare a child with what to do if they get lost:

Teach your child to find a safe person if they become lost. A safe person is a police officer, someone in the store with a store uniform or wearing a nametag, or a mother with children. It is quite helpful toward a speedy reunion, if your child knows his name, address and your cell phone number. Children should also learn to stay in the general area where they last saw you so you can find them when you retrace your steps.

7. Internet Safety:

Install a safety browser on your computer so that you can make the decisions about which websites are appropriate for your children to view. Teach your child never to give out their last name, address, or phone number to a person on the Internet and never to meet Internet friends in person without a parent’s supervision and consent. Parents should help children choose a screen name that does not disclose information about their location. Teach children not to post pictures with identifying information such as a school uniform. Ideally, children should not post pictures on the Internet at all. Always keep your computer in a public area of your house – not in a child’s bedroom. If multiple computers for multiple children are necessary, consider laptops with wireless Internet.

8. Let children decide for themselves how they want to express affection.

Children should not be forced to hug or kiss if they are uncomfortable. Even if they are your favorite aunt, uncle or cousin, your child should not be forced to be demonstrative in their affection. While this may displease you, by doing this, you will empower your child to say no to inappropriate touching.

9. Teach children the buddy system.

Children should learn it is safer to be with a friend or trusted adult than to be alone.

10. Teach your child that adults do not need to ask children for help.

Predators use tricks to lure children, for example, asking them to help find a lost pet, give directions, or help carry something. When you are sitting down talking to your child, use these examples as part of your “what if” scenarios to reinforce the lessons about safety.

Young children respond well to these tips and they should be revisited often. We can teach our children about water safety and not make them fearful of the water. We need to do the same when it comes to keeping their body safe. If a child does disclose any type of abuse, it is important to take the disclosure seriously and report it to the appropriate authorities promptly. By following these tips and talking to our children, we can help keep them safe from sexual abuse and break the cycle of silence.

Jill Starishevsky is a mother of two and a prosecutor of child abuse and sex crimes in New York City. In October 2006, Jill launched www.HowsMyNanny.com to support parents and their children. HowsMyNanny.com is the first online nanny reporting service that works to keep children safe by enabling parents to receive positive or negative feedback on their child’s caregiver. Jill is also the author of “My Body Belongs to Me”, a children’s book intended to prevent child sexual abuse by teaching children that their bodies are their own. www.MyBodyBelongstoMe.com

A Beyond Blue reader recently wrote to me about her overwhelming fear of relapse. She said, “I’m struggling now with it, obsessing over it, and I’m so, so scared. Do I want to crawl into the hole? I fear that. But I can’t. I can’t.”

First of all, thank you for being honest. Because so many of us know exactly how you feel. I’m there a lot of the time myself. Less than I was the two years following my hospitalizations, but there too much of the time.

Doctor Smith would continually remind me during those first fragile years after my big breakdown that a slight setback in my recovery didn’t mean that I was plunging into a full-fledged depressive episode again, and that it wouldn’t take another 18 months to recover, like it did after my breakdown. These hiccups are normal, she reminded me. Recovery is never static, predictable, or symmetrical. On the contrary, it’s often messy, unpredictable, and annoyingly erratic.

I use a couple of cognitive reminders today when I’m panicking about relapsing.

1. My past doesn’t dictate my future.

They are totally separate. Just because I have been through an excruciating depression in my past doesn’t mean I will return to the same painful place every time my thoughts go south. Think of it this way: your brain is constantly forming. It’s part plastic. Which means, what was isn’t necessarily what is or what will be.

2. All things pass.

NOTHING is forever … which is a shame on the good days, but a lovely thing on the bad days. Moreover, this too shall pass. Everything does. Even the ice-cream truck in the summer. One minute it’s there, and then, bam! Gone to the next neighborhood. So much for the Klondike bars.

3. I will be okay.

Even if I do get sucked up right back into the Black Hole, I will survive it. I have before. I can rely on the reserves of strength and wisdom that got me out of there before (that is, in addition to some medication, in my case).

4. Have a plan.

Sometimes it helps to jot down some specific steps to take if you’ve just cried yourself through two boxes of Kleenex. A friend of mine knows it’s time to see her shrink when she doesn’t get out of bed for three days. My kids don’t really leave me that option, so my requirements are different: by the third day of crying incessantly I make an appointment to see Dr. Smith.

5. Be prepared.

You might not ever have a relapse. I hope you don’t. But if you suffer from chronic, and especially treatment-resistant depression, you can count on a few in your future. So be ready for the hurricane. For example, I always like to have at least two weeks worth of blogs uploaded in the blogging software that I can use in the event of a relapse. Some weeks I’m simply more productive than others, so I try to be like a communist country and even things out a little bit … taking the energy from the good weeks, and using them for the “my brain is a big fart” cycles.

Therese J. Borchard writes the daily Beliefnet.com blog Beyond Blue. Her memoir “Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes” is just out, followed by a handsome book of therapy notes called “The Pocket Therapist” in April 2010. Subscribe to Beyond Blue or visit her at www.ThereseBorchard.com.

Nearly every night, the news carries a story about H1N1–a.k.a. Swine Flu–and its spread across America and around the world. Some schools are choosing to close for short periods of time, offices are encouraging sick employees to stay home and we’re all waiting for the touted vaccinations to become available. If you’re as paranoid as I am about touching the grocery cart handle or staying put in your play group, read on for helpful information regarding both “regular” flu and H1N1.

Low-Down with the CDC

Check out the Center for Disease Control’s official take on the disease, including maps showing outbreaks across the country, vaccination information, how to treat the illness and much, much more.

Dr. Oz Explains It All

We’re all fascinated by Dr. Oz on Oprah. Check out Dr. Oz’s flu break-down with interesting factoids in everyday terms.

What This Means for Parents

It’s easy to feel freaked by Swine Flu when you watch the news and talk to other excitable parents in the carpool lane, but Parenting magazine helps us keep the fear in perspective.

Who, What, Where?

Families Fighting Flu, the Visiting Nurses Association and Clorox teamed up to create a comprehensive website of flu resources, including information on where your family can get vaccinated.

Natural Prevention & Remedies

For those of you who prefer to avoid vaccinations and prescription medications, check out these sites for natural flu prevention and treatment including the use of elderberry, thyme and even cayenne.