Mom of two. Founder of SisterUp and #WallSitWednesday. Lover of connecting, karaoke-ing, and skiing. Marketing executive with over 15 years experience.

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I’m Sorry, There Is No Heartbeat . . .

Words that too many women have heard.

Miscarriage and infant loss. Something so common, yet very few people talk about it. 25% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. A stat that is profound.

Did you know that in 1988, President Ronald Reagan proclaimed October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month? Don’t worry, I didn’t know about this either… Until I had a miscarriage.

President Reagan was quoted as saying: When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses their partner, they are called a widow /widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them.” He wanted to bring awareness to the loss that so many parents experience.

After having two healthy boys (age 5 and 7), my husband and I decided to add to our family. We surprisingly got pregnant immediately, however a few short weeks later I started bleeding and had a miscarriage on my 37th birthday.

Distraught at my first miscarriage, we decided to wait a bit to try again. However, two short months later, while on a vacation to Colorado, a pregnancy test confirmed that I was pregnant again.  We were excited but nervous since we had just recently dealt with a loss.

I started spotting again at week eight. It brought the same panic I experienced just a few months prior. We went to the doctor to get an ultrasound. We were greeted with good news as we saw our healthy baby moving around. The doctors told me that I needed to rest as I had a subchorionic hemorrhage. After a few weeks the bleeding stopped and all was well.

On a sunny, August day, I went in for my routine appointment. The doctor was very happy that the bleeding had stopped and that I was at the end of my first trimester. At the end of the appointment, he excitedly said, ‘Let’s take a look at this little one.’ As he moved the ultrasound bar around my stomach I could see the concern on his face. He pushed harder and harder, assuring me that it was probably just the old machine that was keeping him from seeing the heartbeat. He had me move into the Ultrasound Tech’s room so they could get a better picture. She sadly confirmed ‘I’m sorry, there is no heartbeat.’

I'm sorry, there is not heartbeat.

As I looked down at my growing belly, the uncontrollable tears started. There is nothing that can prepare you for this experience. The tears. The pain. The loss for a baby that you’ll never get to hold takes over.

As the doctor recommended the course of action to remove my baby, it was like I was in a movie. After ten days and three failed attempts of miscarrying the baby at home with the help of some insane drugs that put you in labor, I had a D&C, a surgical procedure to remove my baby.


I am an open person who shares my life on social media. The day that I had this happen I said to my husband that I wanted to share it. I wanted and needed the strength of my community to help lift me up in my time of need. I needed people who had endured miscarriage or infant loss to know that they aren’t alone. I needed to know that I wasn’t alone. I wanted my own soul to know that just like Sun follows rain. Strength follows pain.

I had a few people say that they could ‘never share their own story because it was too sacred to them.’ But I also had many more who messaged me in private thanking me for being so open. They had felt all alone when they endured their loss, and sometimes up to six miscarriages!

Many of you have your own stories. I want you to know that you are not alone. There is strength in numbers. There is strength in your story.

Rachael and I will be doing a Facebook LIVE today, Tuesday, October 11, at 10 am MST. Join us and share your stories!

Also, everyone is invited to light a candle on October 15th at 7PM in ALL Time Zones, ALL Over The World. If everyone lights a candle at 7PM and keeps it burning for at least one hour, there will be a continuous WAVE OF LIGHT over the entire world on October 15th, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. 

Join Our Facebook Live Chat (You can view and comment directly on Facebook HERE)

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You Don’t Have To Talk About Your Miscarriage

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Comments (48)

  1. terri 05/22/2017 at 6:27 pm

    No one can understand unless it happens to them. I was 37 when we had our first son, and another at 38. I didn’t feel like our family was complete, and we didn’t stop trying. Had 2 miscarriages – both at 8 and 9 weeks along. Thought I was too old. Funny though – we had moved into a new (BRAND NEW) house in a new subdivision right before the birth of our second son. WE moved two years later (military related) after I had the 2 miscarriages, and I found out I was pregnant again! So scared – found out we were having twins (advanced age – release more eggs). Told the new do about my miscarriages, but all went well. Had the twins at 37 weeks (girls!!) – both over 6 lbs. I sometimes believe that it could be the environment. Hope you keep trying!

  2. Nicole 03/07/2017 at 9:47 pm

    Thank you for sharing. I to, know all to well the feeling of loss. I was 35 weeks when they told me they couldn’t find my sons heartbeat. It will be 10 years this October and it’s still just as painful now as it was then. I now have one amazing and handsome 4 year old boy that’s my world.

  3. Betty-Ann 03/06/2017 at 7:42 am

    46 years later I still feel the loss. You wonder what would they have been and who would they have looked like. The baby you talked to and never got to hold.

  4. Ivette Gonzales 03/05/2017 at 11:45 pm

    I am so sorry for what you’ve been thru. I know that pain all to well. The only reason I decided to comment was because your story is so very similar to mine. I founderstand out I was pregnant qith my 3rd boy in September on a girls getaway to colorado. I currently had a 7 and 4 year old. My 3rd son was due May 29, 2016. In April I started feeling less movement, one time I even drove to my doctors office with no prior heads up and insisted they find his heartbeat. Sure enough it was beating strong and so beautifully. A few weeks later (April 12th) went for my regular check-up. Dipper could not find heartbeat. Doctor told me not be alarmed ands the baby was much bigger and sometimes they struggled to find the heartbeat. We went in to have a sonogram done, when finally the doctor spoke this 6 horrible words no one ever wants to hear. My husband worked out of town at the time and had never been to at doctors appointment. I made him immediately rush home as we decided what the next step would be. We decided to get induced the very next day (April 13, 2016). Not much progress was made that day and night patience was running low by April 14, 2016. But by 6:43 my beautiful angel baby was born, on my 25th birthday! I can sometimes be in such a slump that every emotion I felt during those day’s floods over me and it is almost unbearable to deal with. I would never ever wish that pain upon even my worse enemy. I pray every family who has dealt with miscarriage or a stillborn finds peace and comfort. Time keep going but the pains seems to remain the same.

  5. Lisa 11/16/2016 at 10:36 pm

    Thank you for sharing. I have had well over 10+ spontaneous miscarriage’s. The longest I have carried is 11 weeks,6 days, I miscarried my son alone and held the remains. I unfortunately have PCOS and a clotting disorder. My ex-husband never cared much when I would loose a baby, however my current husband(the son I carried the longest was his 1st one his ex wife was unable to get pregnant due to surgery at 19) was very distraught, remembers his passing date and my due date. My husband has made things in remembrance for him as well that hang in our home. We named him Wyatt Mark-he would have been 9years old this past Aug. 9th.
    We have been unable to have any live births.

  6. Darlene 11/16/2016 at 11:38 am

    I could’ve read this as my story. Very, very similar. I had a miscarriage at 16 weeks. I bled at 9 weeks, thought I was having a MC since I had one before. everything was fine. I even started feeling the baby move at 12 weeks ( I have 2 other girls, so I was very aware of what the flutters felt like) and then I remeber at week 14 not being able to feel anything. I panicked and went to urgent care where all they could offer was a fetal doppler which didn’t guarantee they would find a heartbeat (and they didn’t) but the following week, week 16 I had my reg O.B. visit and the same words and the same feeling – like you’re in a movie. It’s unreal. It’s surreal.My belly was growing, we were going to announce the pregnancy on social media after that visit. Then the process of having to remove the baby since he didn’t come out on his own. I still cry sometimes. What could’ve been. I was due December 11th. As I see women who look like they are due around that date, it makes my heart sink. It’s going to be ok though. Life moves on. Moms will continue to reproduce and babies are everywhere and it is a beautiful thing.

  7. Shirley 11/16/2016 at 10:53 am

    I feel for all your stories. I now have three gorgeous and spunky kids.
    For me it was not even ‘there is no heartbeat’, it was a ‘we cannot find your baby in the scan’. ‘Are you sure you were pregnant?’… it was like check your records, the baby was there two weeks ago when you did the ultrasound… silence…

  8. Denise Steele 11/16/2016 at 7:51 am

    Thank you for sharing. I share my loss and ultimate happiness in my blog called I started it to share hope and inspiration for those who have suffered and who are trying to find work-around solutions to starting or growing their families.

  9. Linda Hobden 11/16/2016 at 4:10 am

    I had 3 healthy children and when number 3 was 6 years old I fell pregnant. At 14 weeks I had a miscarriage & held my “baby” in my hand as I spontaneously bled. It was upsetting & traumatic. Despite being 39 years old I fell pregnant 3 months later but at 13 weeks, history repeated itself. I miscarried & lost the baby with again no D & C. My husband & I decided that perhaps another child was not to be, and we relaxed & got on with our lives. 3 months down the line I found myself pregnant but I was filled with dread. This time I carried my beautiful son to full term. Followed swiftly by his equally handsome brother 16 months later. That was 10 years ago now.

  10. Jennifer 10/19/2016 at 9:28 pm

    I had the same happen and my son turned out alright and alive. A former supervisor of mine had 4 DC procedures because no heartbeat. The last time she refused a DC and her stomach continued to grow. A few months later she still hadnt naturally miscarried and her son is now almost 10 yeard old. I refused a DC because of my supervisor experience. I hope my story and my former supervisor will give some hope. I have miscarried naturally and yes it was my choice because i figured if my baby was gone my body would do the right thing. I grieve for women facing loss and may she experience the joy of child birth and hold her baby.

  11. Jessica smith 10/19/2016 at 3:20 pm

    It’s empowering to share our stories. Thank you for sharing. I just opened up on YouTube and the love and support I’ve received has been such a blessing.

  12. Misty 10/19/2016 at 12:04 pm

    I have 4 beautiful babies. Since my last I have ever lost 2. I am sure my age played a part in both loses. I know your pain. I feel it everyday.

    • krista 10/19/2016 at 2:08 pm

      Thank you so much for sharing!

  13. Nohemy Barraza 10/19/2016 at 11:53 am

    Wow i have no idea in what to say. I recently (Oct 5th) went in for my doctors appointment and was also told my baby has no heart beat. Today is October 19 and my body has yet to release the baby or have any kind of complications. This is my first pregnacy and i dont know if i want to do the D&C just because i havent had any complications. This is something i wish wouldnt happen to anyone its the worse feeling because no one really knows what it feels like until you experience it. as a mom to be you enjoy the fact of being pregnant and love the baby as soon as you see that positive test result. Dads sometimes dont get too excited about it until they see the baby yes they empathize but dont fully understand what it is thats going on.

    • krista 10/19/2016 at 2:11 pm

      I am so sorry! They didn’t want to do a D&C on me, however after 10 days, and three times of trying to take the drugs, I opted for the D&C. I will tell you that although the D&C was cold and hard, it was nice for me to not have to stress and worry about when I would release the baby. So much love to you. You are not alone! We are all here lifting you up! XOXOXO

  14. Lisa 10/18/2016 at 11:53 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story. I lost 3 babies -one from a severe stomach punch by my ex and then 2 exactly one year apart on August 19. Unless someone has lived it they don’t understand. It’s heartbreaking and you feel it’s all your fault.

    • Krista 10/19/2016 at 2:12 pm

      I am so sorry! It truly is something that only people who can go through it fully understand. You are not alone! XOXO

  15. Melissa 10/15/2016 at 8:48 am

    My heart broke reading your story. I too lost my baby girl in 2010 when I was told at my 20 week ultrasound that she no longer had a heartbeat. Labour was induced the next morning and I delivered her later that evening. We later found out the problem was a twisted umbilical cord, which was a rare and unavoidable occurrence. I think of her everyday, wondering what she would have looked like, and the kind of kid she would have been today. Since our loss we have been blessed with 2 more sons, which makes me a very proud mother of 3 boys. I have to believe that things happen for one reason or another and that had I not endured such a difficult loss, I wouldn’t have the three beautiful boys I have today. With that said, that feeling of loss never really goes away and my baby girl will forever be with us in our hearts. Xox

    • Cindy 10/18/2016 at 11:09 pm

      Melissa, I have had 4 babies all around 20 weeks that I lost due to the cords being twisted. I have 4 children, two before and two after the cord accidents.

    • krista 10/19/2016 at 2:13 pm

      Thank you for sharing your story. Your baby girl is always watching over you. The baby I just lost was also a girl, and i was so excited being a mom of two boys, to have a little girl. I know she is watching over us! XOXO

  16. Beth 10/13/2016 at 1:05 am

    My first pregnancy was in 1995. I’ll never forget it because I found out I was pregnant by miscarrying. I was getting ready for work and thought I was starting my period only something looked strange – a little clear balloon was on the tissue. I was devastated. My husband and my doctor both said, “well at least you know you can get pregnant now” like it was nothing.
    A divorce an infertility diagnosis and 13 years go by before I heard a baby’s heartbeat. My second husband and I were so thrilled to have our son, and then another. But every year, I wonder what might have been. I’ve always thought the baby was a girl and she’d be 20 this year.

    • Krista 10/13/2016 at 7:52 am

      I’m so sorry for your loss and that you didn’t get to acknowledge and grieve it back then. Thank you for sharing your story! XOXO

  17. Marisa 10/12/2016 at 9:06 pm

    I had 3 normal healthy pregnancies and was almost to 12 weeks when I began to spot.My doctors office told me it would be ok but 3 days later, my bleeding increased and I went in for an ultrasound to be told the same thing. There was no heart beat. 😥 Worst day of my life! My sadness was for the love and experiences that I would never share with this child that began to grow in my womb. You never get over it. I named her Angelina and she is my angel. I know that I will meet her one day and hold her in my arms. She will never be forgotten!! Her short life has meaning and mattered, to me… I had one more after, my rainbow baby boy.

    • Krista Parry 10/12/2016 at 9:10 pm

      Sending you so much love. And you are absolutely right. They will always be our angels! XOXO

  18. Nicole 10/12/2016 at 6:37 pm

    It has been 9 years since I lost my first baby. I had spotted on and off since the beginning but always assured it was ok since it was not a lot and we seen the baby and the heartbeat at 7 weeks, 9 weeks. My HcG levels were going up nicely and all seemed to be well. Then one August morning I passed a small blood clot, I was at the 12 1/2 week mark. Still scared and since it was a Sat I went to the ER where my worst fear was confirmed. I didn’t think it was possible to cry as much as I did, in fact my whole face, and body just hurt from the crying. I found out that day that my baby had died at about 10 1/2 weeks, I had what is called a missed miscarriage, and carried around what I thought was a living growing baby for almost two weeks. Anyway the doctor in the ER wanted to do the D&C but I couldn’t bring myself to do it on Sat I wanted to see my OB on Mon to make sure, I guess there was just some part of me that hoped it was not true plus if it were I was hoping to miscarry on my own since I did start to bleed more. So on the day I was supposed to go for my 13 week check I was going to confirm my baby’s death and to schedule the D&C. The loss of a baby is the hardest, most painful thing I have ever gone thru and I wish no women would have to endure this loss. I have since had two healthy daughters, however when asked how many children I have I always say three because it is true, I am the mother of three it is just one of my children is in heaven and two of them are here with me. We also named our baby, it actually was a suggestion from one of the nurses in the hospital, she said it may help to heal and acknowledge the life of the baby however short it was.

    • Krista 10/12/2016 at 9:11 pm

      Thank you so much for sharing your story! So much love to you and your angel baby!

  19. Alicia 10/12/2016 at 11:15 am

    I am so sorry for your loss! God blessed us with three healthy little girls within four years, before He called the next three babes Home. My writings were very therapeutic for us. Please read with caution, as they are very vivid. They do highlight God’s faithfulness while we trudged through the darkest Valleys. I pray these writings bless you!

  20. Alicia 10/12/2016 at 11:10 am

    I found it therapeutic to write about Isaac, Gracelee and SarahJane. Grateful God blessed us with three healthy girls before He called the next three home. My reflections are on our website, They are very vivid, but also show God’s blessings through our pain!

    • Krista 10/12/2016 at 9:12 pm

      Beautiful writings. Thank you so much for sharing.

  21. Maya 10/12/2016 at 10:58 am

    I know exactly that feeling… even in a more heartbreaking way. I got pregnant through ivf after five years of marriage. I had a completely healthy pregnancy. But as I was only two days away from the ninth month. My baby stopped moving. I can never forget that pain which cut through my heart as the doctor said that my baby was dead only few days from being born. I cried out my husband’s name for help.. I saw the despair in his eyes… no body knew why my baby died… I prayed for a miracle… but it was over…I still feel chocking when I remdmber that day… but today thank God.. I have been blessed by anmazing baby girl… she’s the light of my eyed… may God protect her and all of you children….

    • Krista 10/12/2016 at 9:13 pm

      I am so sorry! Thank you for sharing your story. There is pain that will always be there. But as you said, there is strength in knowing we have our angels in heaven watching out for us. Love to you!

  22. Stephanie 10/12/2016 at 6:44 am

    I wish I could partake at 10 today but I will be in parenting education while my two boys are in early education classes. I miscarried in June this year and it has been heart wrenching. It’s been 3 months and we are ready to let fate play the cards but I worry about how the fear of loss will add extra stress. I was due on my 40th birthday and while others in my family have had babies into their 40’s and 50’s I know they also experienced miscarriages. I had not known this until I lost the baby in June. We hear more and more that women are having babies later in life but are missing the whole picture when they do not share that they have had 2 or 3 miscarriages. I went through the stages of grief and was grateful to have had an education in psychology and having been an addiction counselor to women I knew of the pain they experienced. Previously I believed that a miscarriage was something like late period and through counseling others and my own experience I know from the moment you know you are pregnant even if it is not something planned or wanted that you start to imagine and plan for how the child will fit in your life. You imagine what they might become and how you might handle all of the challenges a child will bring to life. You begin to love. And the loss is tremendous.

    • Krista Parry 10/12/2016 at 7:42 am

      Thank you so much for sharing! It truly is a loss that is tremendous. We must allow ourselves to heal. And when we talk about it, it helps others. XOXO

  23. Cristal 10/12/2016 at 6:26 am

    I had one at 38weeks eight years ago. It was so tramatic because I still had to deliver him. It hurt so bad. Even thou I have two healthy boys after him the emotional pain is still there. I believe he is my little angel looking over us. His BD is the 26th January.

    • Krista Parry 10/12/2016 at 7:43 am

      Thank you so much for sharing. Sending so much love to your angel baby!

  24. Estelly 10/12/2016 at 5:33 am

    Miscarrying is quite a harrowing experience that you certainly cannot wish on anybody. I had 9 miscarriages and I must say, I can never forget the pain and the terrible sense of loss I went through each time. I would only go up to about 16 weeks so the Docs couldn’t do much for me in as far as serving the babies. I had to stay in hospital on an elevated bed for 31 weeks on my 10th pregnancy and I was released to go home and I could only go for a further 6 weeks and delivered early at 37 weeks. We tried again after 3 years and I delivered at 36 weeks. I am thankful for the 2 boys that we were finally blessed with. I am always there to comfort anyone who goes through this as it is quite a difficult and painful experience that I will un fortunately live with for the rest of my life.

    • Krista Parry 10/12/2016 at 7:43 am

      Thank you so much for sharing and for helping lift others up. So much love to you.

  25. Cortney Neely 10/12/2016 at 5:32 am

    I had a son named Sawyer who was still born at 36 weeks 4 days on October 18, 2008 due to a cord accident.

  26. Kyva 10/12/2016 at 4:11 am

    My 15 year old niece went through this not too long ago. We had gone in to the hospital because she was cramping really bad, no bleeding but when they brought her back for the ultrasound I saw on the screen no heartbeat. It was very depressing and I didn’t know how to help since both of my pregnancies had gone smoothly.

    • Katie 10/12/2016 at 7:16 am

      I’m so sorry. I was 14 when I first got pregnant and experienced something similar. I miscarried and ended up having to get an abortion/dec (d&c?) Immediately after I got on birth control and had a successful pregnancy later when I was 19 and I am going through my 2nd pregnancy now at 22. I know when I was younger I was absolutely devastated….but it did end up being the best thing for me. My heart and hopes go towards your neice. 💜

      • Krista Parry 10/12/2016 at 7:46 am

        Thank you for sharing your story. No matter what, a miscarriage is devastating. So much love to you!

    • Krista Parry 10/12/2016 at 7:47 am

      Sending so much love to your niece!

  27. Lulu 10/12/2016 at 12:31 am

    It was the hardest thing I endured. It was my daughters 4th birthday @ Disneyland when the bleeding started. I live in San Diego and cried the whole way home to the ER. I found out I was losing the baby and had to come back to the ER 2 days later to make sure I didn’t need a DNC. I got blessed with another pregnantcy18 months later. At 19 weeks 4 days, I was in the ER again with bleeding and a threatened miscarriage. I was given a 50% chance of going to term, but we made it! She was early but healthy! I don’t think people realize how scary it can be. No matter how healthy you are, you just don’t know.

    • Krista Parry 10/12/2016 at 7:45 am

      Sending you so much love. Thank you for sharing. It truly is something that you can’t prepare yourself for. Both emotionally and physically. So grateful for your healthy baby girl! XOXO

  28. Susan 10/11/2016 at 3:56 pm

    This happened to me. I went in for a 3 1/2 months ultrasound, my belly was just starting to get big and my belly button popping out.There was no heart beat on the screen, I knew right away something was wrong. I miscarried 4 days later.

    • Krista Parry 10/11/2016 at 10:38 pm

      Sending you love. Thank you for sharing your story!

      • Lisa 03/02/2017 at 7:54 am

        My first pregnancy was a breeze. About a year and a half later, I got pregnant again. one day at work, I started bleeding. Laid in the ER for two hours while they confirmed my pregnancy. Nevermind it was in my records. Dr told me that the pregnancy chemicals double every 2.5 days, and they would measure them again in three days. They were not as high as he would have liked, but he said he would follow me as a high risk pregnancy. At the ultrasound, I saw my baby and it’s heartbeat, but there was a small black spot farther down, and he said it was likely I lost a twin. I did deliver a perfectly healthy baby, but I still to this day wonder about the other baby.