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12 Hilariously Epic Lies Parents Have Actually Told Their Children

"My six-year-old STILL believes I actually have eyes in the back of my head."

Hey. We’ve all done it.

If you’re a parent, then you’ve likely lied to your kids; maybe you even tell them little lies every single day. Sometimes it’s just easier to lie to children than to explain the truth to them, and sometimes these little lies make our lives, as their parents, a little more bearable.

Here are some of the most laughable lies that have been told to clueless children.

1. I’m always watching you.

“I told my kids I put hidden cameras all over the house so I can always see what they’re doing or what’s happened when I’m away.”

2. I drink at all hours of the day.

“Our toddler is only aware of four beverages: milk, water, tea and beer. When I’m drinking something other than these, like a soda that I know is bad for me, and she happens to see me and call me out on it, I just tell her it’s beer. Even if it’s 10 AM. Eventually this may become an issue.”

3. You can only stay here if you behave.

“I tell my kids that most restaurants have a policy that misbehaving children have to leave immediately. They’ve always been really well behaved at restaurants because I remind them of this often.”

4. It’s time to leave.

“When I want to leave a store before my son is ready, I tell him they’re closing and we need to leave so they can lock the doors. Occasionally, I get the store clerk to play along.”

5. You need to keep your voice down, or else…

“Recently, my four-year-old, Molly, was throwing an epic screaming tantrum in the parking lot. She was standing very close to a metal grate in the pavement. So I told her she had better quiet down or the Trolls would come up and eat her. Everyone knows that Trolls love deliciously loud children. She snapped her mouth shut and jumped in the car, wide-eyed with fright.”

6. Some lies stick with you forever.

“My six-year-old STILL believes I actually have eyes in the back of my head.”

7. Watch what you say.

“I told my much younger brother that it’s illegal to swear before you turn 16. He believed it for a few years.”

8. You have to learn how to use the potty sometime.

“I told my kid that snakes poop in the potty. (Not sure what the motivation is for that one!)”

9. Your toys have minds of their own.

“I tell my kids that I have no idea what happened to certain toys (that I got rid of).”

10. Bad things will happen if you don’t listen.

“Every time something bad happens in a Disney movie, I tell my kids that it’s because they didn’t listen to their parents. Nemo was kidnapped because he didn’t listen to his dad about staying close by. Ariel’s dad got turned into a slug because she didn’t listen. Merida’s mom was turned into a bear because she didn’t listen. You get the idea!”

11. You don’t want to know what happens if you don’t stop running around.

“If you stub your toe more than ten times, the skin won’t grow back. It definitely made my daughter stop running around barefoot as much.”

12. You’ll be comfortable soon enough.

“My usually-honest-to-a-fault parents used to drag my sister and I on long hikes. I remember being told there was an air-conditioned gift shop at the top of one particular mountain. They LIED.”

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Comments (7)

  1. Tommy 04/10/2016 at 10:13 am

    My wife tells our son that toys at the store or only there because that’s where all the broken toys are sent to be fixed.

  2. Kylie 04/10/2016 at 7:46 am

    My husband use to tell the kids that Mr Whippy played music when it was out of ice cream!!

  3. Amanda 04/09/2016 at 7:38 pm

    2 lies. 2 kids. One couldn’t keep his fingers out of his nose. I had him convinced if he kept picking his nose his brains would fall out. At 10 he finally fought on it was a lie. So I watched a documentary on Egyptian mummification. It lasted another 2 years.

    2nd child, can’t keep his hands out of his pants. He is currently convinced little girls are actually boys that kept touching their wee nuts to much and they eventually fell off.

  4. Brittany 04/09/2016 at 1:26 pm

    We live right next to a prison so I tell my 5 year old every time we pass it that that’s where people go who don’t listen to their mommies. It hasn’t worked yet but maybe if I let him have a tour of the prison then he will. Hehehe

  5. lisa 04/08/2016 at 9:24 pm

    I told my son that little fish live in water coolers and purify the water the bubbles you see come from the fish. He still believes this and tries to look for the fish.

  6. Shelly 02/08/2016 at 7:03 pm

    My daughter had slow growing hair, around 3 her hair was still short. I told her if she pooped in the potty her hair would grow long… now at 5 when people comment on her pretty long hair she proudly announces “that’s because i poop in the potty!” – I’ve gotten some strange looks. Lol. But hey, it worked!

  7. Lara 02/08/2016 at 1:02 pm

    I’ve told my kids that they give you Santa’s number when you’re in the hospital having you, that’s the only time you get it, but only parents have it. My almost 10 yr old repeats it to her little brother and still believes it to my knowledge.