Writer and content creator, carb lover, wife, mom to three boys, Olympic Weightlifter. All I do is win, except when I don't, which is often...

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12 Things I Know About Raising Only Boys

The good Lord blessed me with three strapping young sons. Yes, I’m raising only boys and I really do enjoy it. I’m not sure at this point I’d even know what to do with a girl and I don’t want to find out seeing as how I’m all full up on small people for the time being.

Raising children all of one gender presents itself with some unique idiosyncrasies as I’m sure other mothers in my same boat will attest. In my 7 years of mothering boys, I’ve gleaned a few nuggets of wisdom I’d like to pass along to everyone else finding themselves in the same boat:

#1. THERE IS PEE EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME. Sometimes it actually gets in the toilet, more often it does not. The shower curtain? Yes. The floor? YES. The wall, so much. The seat of the toilet? Duh. On me? More often than you’d think. Pee is sterile I’ve heard, let us pray.

#2. Get used to witnessing tiny boy junk perched everywhere. All up on your pillow, the counters, the couch, kitchen table, nothing is sacred. Nobody wears pants around here I guess, I don’t know why. Someone help me. This kind of behavior had better diminish as they get older or else I’m finding somewhere else to live.

#3. There will be blood but there will also be tears. Many tears. Boys have feelings too, lots of feelings.

#4. It’s totally normal for my boys to settle an argument by punching each other and then crying about it a little, and then it’s usually over and they move on. Most of the time I actually appreciate this problem solving strategy and have thought about incorporating into my own adult life.

#5. As a mother of boys you will be forced to act like you care about stuff like Power Rangers Dino Force and the rest of the Power Rangers Dynasty which is extensive. Add in Rescue Heroes, Ninja Turtles, and any other annoying and completely unrealistic ninja or battle related cartoon involving robots, rodents or turtles of unusual size.

#6. Farts will always be funny. Always.

#7. Forget about expensive toys, nothing makes for better entertainment than a pile of dirt.

#8. It doesn’t matter which brand of jeans you buy, they will have holes immediately if not the actual second they are put on.

#9. If you’re like me and you can’t be trusted with clippers, be prepared to spend a small fortune on haircuts unless you’re okay with your boys walking around looking like sleepy hobos, which…sometimes I am. $30-40 every 6 weeks or so really cuts into Mommy’s caffeine budget.

#10. Boys play best in packs of 4-6. This allows for equal team Nerf wars, uninterrupted games of “Ghost In The Graveyard”, unlimited options for sport competitions, and the most optimal way to ensure that no one gets the shaft when it comes to being left out. Please choose your neighborhood accordingly so as to keep the ratio correct.

#11. “Get your hand out of your pants” is something that you actually say on a regular, if not daily basis.

#12. No, I am not going to try for a girl. Having only boys doesn’t mean that my mothering experience is somehow incomplete because I don’t have a daughter. I’m sure girls are great, but I’ve got bigger fish to fry rather than sitting around all day wishing I had one. I take that back, I do wish I had a reason to read “Are You There God, It’s Me, Margaret” to someone. I’ll probably read it to my boys anyway, they need the perspective, right?

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Anything else I’m missing? Boy moms, unite!

 

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Comments (180)

  1. Emily 10/06/2016 at 9:09 pm

    I also have 3 boys. You think you’ll have all the clothes you need and you won’t have to fork out the money for new clothes with the third boy because of hand-me-downs from the older brothers. But by the time they grow into the older brothers’ clothing, the elastic waistbands are practically disintegrated, there’s stains, holes, and/or they’ve gone out of style. So you’re left needing to buy a whole new wardrobe for your youngest boy!

  2. Kayla 09/18/2016 at 12:20 pm

    13. “Put your peepee back in your pants.”

    14. Penises are FUNNY. There will be jokes, names, and lots of drawings.

    15. Toy/action figure collections must be complete. You can’t have missing pieces. You must buy them all.

  3. Jenn 09/02/2016 at 2:34 pm

    So much yes. Have three boys and the Power Rangers theme song (the 15 minutes of auditory Hell version) is practically our family anthem. It is a messy, rough and tumble, bruised and battered, sweet and snuggly existence. Why would I want a girl?

  4. Laura 08/18/2016 at 12:45 pm

    Well, to be honest, if you had all girls, you’d be saying “there is blood, blood everywhere, all the time”

    Loved this post. 🙂

  5. Jolaina 08/15/2016 at 9:30 pm

    This is hilarious!!! As a fellow mom with 3 boys only I can relate! I have to admit that when I originally read what you wrote about with “boys’ junk” everywhere, I laughed and nodded thinking of the umpteen cars, trucks, and construction toys that end up EVERYWHERE! At times it’s annoying to walk around them or step on them (OUCH!) but when I go downstairs to bed at night and see a whole construction scene tucked in the banister, my heart melts because I know I have a house of boys and I wouldn’t trade that for the world!

  6. Stephanie 08/15/2016 at 12:47 pm

    Oh my gosh it’s like you took the words right from my mouth! I have three boys and it’s the same thing at my house everyday!