Carina has been typing on the internets before there was a www in front of everything. This is why she’s cranky and wants to know when you’ll get off her lawn. She resides in a hopelessly outdated home in the Mountain West with a mathematician and three children hell-bent on destruction. Her laundry is not done, but her Twitter is totally up to date. Carina does not have a Tumblr, because get serious.

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I Hate Scary Movies

I don’t like scary movies. I really don’t. I don’t think it’s fun to be scared. It’s stupid.

When I was a kid I went to a friend’s house and her older brother happened to be watching a Friday the 13th movie on…what was that thing? Oh, right, VHS. (Remember when that was a thing?) Anyway, I watched Jason stalk and slash a lady. So that was nice. I didn’t sleep well for the rest of my life. Psychological scars? I has them.

The animated Legend of Sleepy Hollow is as scary as I can take, and to be honest, I don’t even like it all that much. It might be too scary. Watcher in the Woods? Are you trying to give me a heart attack? The Birds? OK, I’m alright watching The Birds because it’s not freaky. Everything else: NO, THANK YOU and WHERE IS MY BLANKIE.

Last week I went to Seattle to be with my sister while she had her first baby. My husband, Jdub, called me up one night and confessed to something. He’d been watching some stupid scary movie, Dawn of the Dead, late at night, when he heard someone start sobbing. It was my 7-year-old son, who had sneaked downstairs and watched part of the movie. Jdub wasn’t sure how long he’d been there, but it was certainly long enough to see some scary, violent things. My heart flopped and sank. My poor child! I could feel the fear in his heart from a thousand miles away. Stupid zombies. I was angry at Jdub (for what? Watching a movie for grown-ups late at night after he’d put the kids to bed?) I couldn’t do anything about it.

Sure, it’s a good lesson for the kid to learn that if you sneak out of bed you might not like what you see, but it’s a stupid lesson, too. I don’t want him to be scared, like, ever. And if he wakes up with nightmares night after night, who’ll be the one who has to comfort him? Not Jdub, who sleeps like a stone. Dumb movies. If I could take back that moment forever for him, I would.

Jdub eventually got the kid back to sleep by explaining that to avoid zombies (that aren’t even real) you do the same thing as for a T-Rex: hold very, very still and they can’t see you. So they practiced T-Rex defense until the kid calmed down enough to sleep.

Ugh. But no more scary movies. Ever. OK?




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Comments (15)

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  4. Becky 10/24/2011 at 3:56 pm

    I’m with you. No thanks. I hate even walking into those Halloween stores. Who needs blood and gore? Not me!

  5. Kalli 10/20/2011 at 10:44 pm

    I loathe scary movies. I see no point, none. All my friends loved to watch them at sleepovers growing up. I brought a book to all sleepovers for this very reason. I read a lot of books this way while my friend watched “The People Under The Stairs”, or my personal favorite- “Candyman”.

    I hate being scared. Fear is an emotion I do not enjoy under any circumstance, except maybe while riding a roller coaster.

  6. Erin Oltmanns 10/20/2011 at 8:40 pm

    I used to genuinely enjoy scary/horror movies*. Then my FIL had a stroke and I stood in a hospital not knowing if he’d live. I know it sounds all DRAMATIC, but that was it for me. I got a real life scare and I’ve wanted no part of intense movies ever since.

    *Except Chucky movies. That stupid doll still scares me to death! Damn 7th grade sleepover peer-pressure!

  7. Fijiangirl 10/20/2011 at 3:11 pm

    I hate, hate scary movies. In order to watch the Sixth Sense I had to have the windows open, shades up and watch it around noon. I stood by the doorway so I could hit in the hallway when ever a part got too intense for me. So I am with you. Poor little guy.

  8. Erica Fehrman 10/20/2011 at 9:34 am

    I have to look away during horror movie COMMERCIALS. Most of them have some scary thing jump out at the end of the commercial, searing a violent image into my head that I see every time I blink.

  9. Raejean Roberts 10/20/2011 at 9:25 am

    I don’t like to be scared either, life is scary enough.

  10. Randy Tayler 10/20/2011 at 7:51 am

    What a terrible defense to teach a child about zombies. Might as well just feed him to the undead now.

    I LOVE scary movies, but not HORROR movies. I don’t want to see a knife gash a person — horror movies are just violence-porn. Simply SCARY movies, though, can have morals and messages — The Sixth Sense is wedged between It’s a Wonderful Life and Groundhog Day in my list of top 5 favorite films.

    A lot of times they’ll call these Thrillers, but genre definitions get vague. Suffice it to say, I like being scared, but not horrified. There are enough real horrors in the world. Good movies help reduce them rather than add to them.

    • Carina Wytiaz 10/20/2011 at 1:47 pm

      Ha! It’s true, he’d be zombie lunch for sure.

      Even the Sixth Sense was a little much for me. I do like thrillers as long as there isn’t much of a supernatural component.

  11. Shannon 10/20/2011 at 1:50 am

    I almost had to leave the theater during Scream. I’m a total wuss.