Carina has been typing on the internets before there was a www in front of everything. This is why she’s cranky and wants to know when you’ll get off her lawn. She resides in a hopelessly outdated home in the Mountain West with a mathematician and three children hell-bent on destruction. Her laundry is not done, but her Twitter is totally up to date. Carina does not have a Tumblr, because get serious.

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The Pageant Boy

I was watching Toddlers and Tiaras tonight (as I do) and one of the contestants was a little 6-year-old boy. For the sake of gossiping about him behind his (and his mother’s) back, I’ll call him Johnny. He is an adorable kid with an energetic personality, and a love of pageants. Since he was the only boy competing that day, he swept all the categories plus a number of other awards. Among his spoils were a tiara (his choice) and a crown. He was named King (and will now, presumably, have a small country to govern and a succession question to answer.) Johnny’s mother teared up while watching his obvious joy of performance. She issued a challenge that anyone who didn’t like his pageant participation could go jump in a lake.

Which is why I felt a little sad at begrudging his participation.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not because I don’t think Johnny, as a boy, should be competing in beauty pageants, it’s that I don’t think that anyone should be in a beauty pageant.

The whole culture is utterly creepy to me. Watching one mom tear up because her 7-year-old “looks like a 16-year-old!”…I’d be crying if my 7-year-old looked like a 16-year-old, too, but for the opposite reason. The only thing that threw me about Johnny was that he was thrilled to be performing; he was genuinely having a good time.

So often when we see these kiddie pageants the babes are about 2 pixi stix away from having a total meltdown. The moms appear to be doing their best to balance living vicariously, and tarting up their daughters in a way they wish they’d been tarted up. I just don’t understand why you’d teach your 4-year-old girl that “shaking it” is the best way to get the attention of adults; I don’t care how much fun you claim she’s having. Make-up, spray tans, flippers, and artificial “graceful” movements. The whole thing weirds me out, whether it’s a girl or a boy.

Am I missing something?

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Comments (5)

  1. CoolPlaygroundMommy 08/17/2011 at 10:55 am

    I saw that same episode and yes, it was a little creepy!

  2. crys 08/16/2011 at 6:47 pm

    I agree…it is creepy and very sad. It is great for little girls and boys to perform, dance, and so on. But these pageants are over the top, unhealthy, unrealistic and embarrasing. The little boy might be just as happy in a dance ensemble (performance group) rather than this parade of spoiled girls dressed like hookers.

  3. Sisifo 08/16/2011 at 8:36 am

    I’m SO glad I’m not the only one creeped out. If the kid has a genuine interest in performing and you don’t have to bribe with sugar, great! But spray tans and fake teeth so the toddler looks like a teen? Really? Are you TRYING to attract a pedophile? It’s called Jail Bait, and as a mom, I’m a little disturbed.
    Way to raise a future bee-yatch.

  4. April Queen 08/15/2011 at 10:57 am

    I am guilty of watching this show. It amazes me that grown women will stand up in a room and dance along with their child’s dance routine and make all those faces. I saw the episode you are talking about. The mom kept saying the dad approved and supported the little boy, but I never saw the dad. There is nothing wrong with the little boy performing or wanting to be on a stage, I just wonder if it embarrassed him that he was the only boy. These pageants are awful and can’t be a lot of fun for the kids, and if they are honest, the moms. It is too much like work. My daughter does pageants but she is 17 and the scholarship program she participates in and holds the title for her age group does hours of community service work. The girls who participate in the pageant are allowed to be a part of the service projects the same as title holders. She is right now planning a fundraiser for Breast Cancer Awareness. I think the girls should get something character building out of it. It sends the wrong message that they have to be the prettiest and that is where the competition ends. I would have never been able to put my daughter in one of those. It would be way too stressful. AND….those pixie sticks???? The moms better get used to those fake teeth (flippers?) because with all that sugar their real teeth are going to rot out of their heads!

  5. Carrie 08/12/2011 at 5:12 pm

    The little girls of these beauty pageants are the stuff nightmares are made of. They all look like Bride of Chucky dolls. They are scarier than clowns, Pennywise included. AND they’re assholes.